I told you I would, so I did.

As I mentioned earlier, this month is full of a whole bunch of "lasts." And really, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Maddy and I anchored our last D-TV broadcast last week, and I couldn't keep a straight face to save my life. Because the whole time we were filming, I couldn't get the mental picture of me anchoring for the first time out of my head. I was terrified to look at that little red dot on the camera, and know that the entire student body was going to see my face. Now? We fight, literally, for those anchor slots.
Then today, we filmed the senior sign-off. D-TV always signs of with the anchors names, and "and this...is D-TV." We've made more jokes about those three words, and said it any more accents than I care to count. It's ridiculous really. Back to the point. Today, we filmed every senior on staff putting in their last "I'm so-and-so," and crowded in front of the green screen for the last "...is D-TV."
Sitting on the arms of Braxton's chair, with Matt and Emi's arms around my shoulders, Maddy on Braxton's other side, and the rest of the staff crammed in behind us, we more more united in that split second than we ever have been before. Why?
You don't devote 3 years and 8 class periods to a class if you don't care. You don't stay at the school until 9 p.m. the night of the Homecoming football game if you don't want to make a deadline. You don't miss your junior prom for a journalism convention unless you want to win. And most importantly, you don't put your heart into something unless you are truly passionate about it. We know what we're doing. And we do it well.
In the grand scheme of things, D-TV is just another silly class, with just another bunch of kids, and another teacher that influenced me. But right now? It's a central part of our lives, Terri's room is a place we go to play, rather than work, and those cameras are our friends now.
I'm going to miss that room, and it will be harder than I want to admit to let someone else take over next year.
There aren't many kids can say they got to take first in newspaper design at the state competition, report in the 7th best student broadcast in the nation, or design one of the best newspapers in the country.

But I can.

Because this girl? Is part of D-TV.

All things go.

We graduate in 23 days. My cap and gown are hanging on my bedroom door, and my graduation announcements are being printed. I'm shipping for a dress for Senior Cotillion, and registered for my classes next fall. Scholarship acceptance letters have been sent in, and new leaders have been chosen for all the groups I'm in. Final banquets and awards ceremonies are happening, and orientation is starting for the new kids.


I'm freaking out.
Last weekend, there was a not-so-subtle shift in the directions my life was headed, and this week was a little shaky to say the least. But, everything happens for a reason, right? And we're all headed for bigger and better things, even of we can't see it at the moment.

With everything I've ever known coming to a close, we really are experiencing not only the beginning of the end, but the end of our beginning as well. In less than a month, we'll be out of a school system we've been in for 13 years, moving away from everyone we know, and starting fresh. I

So these last few weeks? I'm going to do what I want. How I want. When I want. Because this is the last chance we have to make a mark, and I intend to. Right now, all things go.

Underwhelming questions.

Most nights, I get in bed around 10 or 10:30....and proceed to lay there, wide awake, until midnight. I'm not doing anything productive, usually sporadically checking Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, email, and Pinterest; but if I could channel all the brain power my mind generates right then, I could pass my AP tests in the first week of school.
Last night was frustrating, stressful, and not very much fun. But! While I was laying there, quite literally nested in my seven thousand blankets and pillows, and twisting my Disney Princess blanket in my hands like there was no tomorrow (it's a nervous habit, and yes, it is Disney. Deal with it.) the conversation in my head went something like this.

"So. NOW what?"
"What do you mean, now what?"
"I mean, this is a change, a big change. It's been a long time since things were like this."
"Maybe, but change is good. Change is real good. It'll all be OK."
"But, what if...."


And I promptly fell asleep. I have a problem with that, falling asleep mid conversation. Granted, it's usually with another person and not just myself, but still.
I woke up this morning and was busy and barely breathing until 7:45 (which really is saying a lot considering I was up at the crack of dawn and had an early morning meeting.) And I got a text from a friend, one I haven't really talked to in a while.

"Hey Ashley! I just wanted to tell you to have such a fantastic day! :) You're a great girl, with such a loving, kind personality. Keep being great. :)...Keep your chin up sug :) and pass it forward. You are wonderful! :)"

Like I said, I don't talk to this friend very often, and she has no idea what's really going on. But that message? Was just what I needed. And just reiterated the fact that no matter what's happening, who's fighting with who, and what is going wrong, someone up there is ALWAYS listening, watching, and looking out for us.

And suddenly, all those overwhelming questions and problems became insignificant.
"It's days like today, when life gets great."


(ALSO. I get to see the band who penned ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ those lyrics tonight with my best friends. Life is alright, I guess....:))

At a loss.

You know those people that are constantly battling you for the right to be right? The people that don't ever let you get a word in edgewise, and you can never win? They're driving me crazy lately.

I'm worth more than your condescending know-it-all attitudes, I really am. I'm more important than your need for attention. I'm done with the arguing, and the constant battle for the top spot. We're all equal my dear, get that through your pretty little head.

And when it comes to all of your little dramas, your life isn't that hard. And....