The reasons why.

It's the season of gratitude, and I have so much to be grateful for (50 things in this post to be exact). So settle down for a long one. 

50. My heated blanket: because when I woke up this morning and the heat had been turned down below 50 degrees, I could turn it up, and climb back into bed until it warmed up. 

49. Emilie Anne Facer: because everybody needs a twin sister who sticks it out through all the stupid decisions, crazy weekends, and missionary meltdowns. 

48. The Book of Mormon: because after a 23 hour day of school, work, meetings, and friends, the scriptures put everything back into perspective and help me refocus my life. 

47. Judith Anne Roche: because she had a pretty good reason to pretend like I didn't exist, and let me have a second chance instead. Because at 1 am when I'm approaching meltdown point, she understands me and knows exactly what to say. Because she understands me. #yousneakymom

46. Utah State University: because becoming an Aggie is the best decision I ever made, and I can't even begin to describe how much I love my school. I'll bleed blue til the end of time. 

45. Leggings: because sometimes pants are just way too much effort. 

44. Lauren Adamson: because she's lived with me for over a year now and still puts up with my quirks. She listens to me rant, complain, and talk her ear off, and makes me laugh on a daily basis. Because she's a constant example to me of what I want to become. 

43. The post office in the TSC: because when I'm an awful person and forget to write that missionary of mine, the two old men that work there are always curious about how "my friend in Michigan" is doing and if he's been writing me back. 

42. Dr. Pepper: because nothing puts me in a better mood faster or cures the migraines that seem to attack every five seconds.

41. Mary Alayna Lindberg: because she's the reason I try to be the best I can every day. Because she makes me laugh like nobody else can. Because she's my best friend. 

40. My car: because sometimes I just need to leave, get out. 

39. Emily Breanne Elliott: because she taught me how fast an irreplaceable friendship can be made, and tests my patience like nobody else. Because even in Paris, she knows what I need. 

38. Professor Smitten: because a compliment from him is worth a million dollars, and the desire for one of those compliments pushes me harder and further than I've ever been. 

37. Morgan Elizabeth Coles: because she's been there since 8th grade and knows my fears and dreams better than anyone else. Because I know that even when we go months without seeing each other, we can pick right back up where we left off. 

36. Hockey: because it introduced me to some of the best people in my life. Because it gave me an excuse to go somewhere on a Wednesday night. Because it makes me feel like my best friend isn't quite so far away. 

35. My parents: because I wouldn't be here without them. Because they support me in everything I do. Because they made me the person I am today. 

34. Fine-tip ball-point pens: because I don't have room in my schedule for medium-tip, and it's the little things that make me happy. 

33. Braxton Moon: because nobody else can say that they've stuck around for six years. Because he's the only constant in my world full of change. Because he shares his hoodies, gummy bears, and happy hippos with me.

32. My major: because there's nothing else in the world that I love more than words, books, and talking. 

31. Trent Morrison: because he listens to my endless whining, goes shopping with me, and not only understands, but exceeds my love for Beyonce. Because he's a good cuddle buddy, and an even better friend. 

30. Glitter: because it's hard to be sad when you're sparkly. 

29. Ashley Allen: because she's the big sister I've always wanted and finally have. Because she gives me advice that no one else can. Because we're the same person, in so many ways it's terrifying. 

28. Coldstone: because red velvet ice cream can solve any problem in the world. Because ice cream is one thing that brings me and Jon Downing closer than anything else. 

27. Bronson Kunzler: because nobody makes me feel more loved, important, or special like he does. Because he knows everything about me and still thinks I'm incredible. Because he's the boy who has a majority of my heart. 

26. Kappa Delta: because a girl can never have too many sisters. 

25. My bed: because nothing feels better than a dozen pillows, blankets and my giraffe after an exhausting day. 

24. The Snitches of 102: because I wouldn't have survived my first year of college without them. Because they're my best friends, and the ones I would do anything for. 

23. Farmington, Utah: because regardless of where I live, nowhere brings me as much comfort, happiness, and nostalgia as Farmington's Main Street. 

22. These boys: because they've put up with me for five months and still make me laugh harder than anybody else. Because even though they drive me absolutely crazy, they're the best boys I know. 

21.  Country music: because Luke has my heart, Carrie understands, and Miranda tells it like it is. 

20. My Soarority girls: because they made this summer unforgettable and keep me sane. Because they're the best friends a girl could ask for. 

19. My planner: because there's no other way to keep track of my psychotic life. 

18. The Kunzler's: because they let me steal Bronson far too often. Because they let me in on their game nights. Because they're some of the most Christlike, selfless people I know and I'm blessed to have their family play such a huge part in my life. 

17. The piano: because when you can't leave the house and need to escape, nothing works better than Cristofori's Dream.

16. Hailee Jane Henson: because she understands my loathing of cancer. Because she inspires me to be a better person. Because she's the best example I've ever had. 

15. Hair-dye: because when you need a change but can't do a whole lot, it gives me a new start and a renewed sense of confidence. 

14. My cousins: because they're 30+ little minions who love me unconditionally. Because they give me a reason to be a good example. Because they cure me of my baby-hunger. 

13. A-Team: because it gave me the best summer job I'll ever have. Because I made 45 friends I wouldn't have made anywhere else. Because it made my summer unforgettable. 

12. My little brother: because he likes the same music I do and shares my love for In-n-Out shakes. Because he lets me beat him up....not. Because he makes me laugh. 

11. Sigma Phi Epsilon: because those boys have given me some of the greatest boys I've ever known. Whether it's Derek running to Hobby Lobby with me, Dusty dancing while I do my homework, Trevor going to dinner with me in his pajamas, Kurt giving me life advice, Zack finding me new music, Brady giving me a compliment, Kendall hacking my computer, or Matt experiencing Pumpkin Spice Lattes for the first time, these boys provide me with daily entertainment and friendships that I value more than I can express. Because I'd do anything for them and am blessed to call them friends. 

10. Marley McClune: because she accompanied me on a thousand adventures this summer and understands my soft drink addiction.

9. The temple: because it's given me the most important goal in my life and allowed me to have an eternal family. Because there's nothing more important to me than getting there someday with the boy I love, and the lessons we learn there are the most important knowledge I'll ever have. 

8. Liz Rumball: because she reminds me to wear my shoes, eat on a regular basis, and do my homework. Because at 2 am, she's the one I'm talking to in my car. Because she'll drop anything and everything to help me out. 

7. My oldest little sister: because she makes me food and watches movies with me. Because she shops with me even when she doesn't want to. Because she does everything with me and is my first best friend. 

6. My Viewmont boys: because high school was different because of them. Because they're my favorite dates, pen pals, and missionaries. Because they've changed my life--and continue to do so every day. 

5. Home: because whether it's Logan, Farmington, Kaysville, or anywhere with my best friends, I love the memories that accompany each place. 

4. My grandma: because she's my biggest hero and the greatest example I'll ever have. 

3. The priesthood: because whether it's a bishop's advice, a father's blessing, or my patriarchal blessing, I know what I'm hearing is coming from my Father in Heaven. 

2. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: because it makes sense when nothing else does. Because it never changes and is the sure foundation I need. Because it continually changes my life and allows me to serve in ways otherwise impossible. Because it's the only true church, and everything I need. 

1. My life: because as crazy and chaotic as it seems at times, I truly love every single aspect of it. Because I'm grateful for everything I get to do, the experiences I have, and the people I'm surrounded by. 

I'm a lucky girl, and I am very, very, blessed. 

The perfect beginning.

Do you remember daydreaming as a little kid about being in college? All the fun you'd have, the friends you'd make, and finally living on your own? I think I did it probably every second for a majority of my life. 

But even as independent and spontaneous as I am, I've learned that being a grownup isn't all fun. We do have to work, try hard, and things are tough sometimes--but this year has been, in a word, unbelievable. 

I've been in college for a whole year now--and I've learned a lot. 

I've learned that I'm a wizard at baking, but cupcakes and cookies only do so much for a starving college student. I sincerely appreciate vegetables now. My mom laughs when I come home, because I will load the biggest bowl we have with salad and eat probably three servings. I could probably eat a bag of snap peas in a sitting, and I know probably a million and a half ways to serve a chicken breast that's been grilled on a George Foreman. I'm ten times more grateful for my job, because I eat whole meals there; and I'm a thousand times more grateful for my mom's food when I come home. For the times I'm not at work though, I've learned that peanut butter cupcakes and chocolate chip applesauce cookies go a long way in bribing people into dinner. 

I've learned that sometimes, the job of your dreams turns out to be your worst nightmare. A month into my first JComm class, (Journalism Communications, or Japanese Communications if you ask Bronson and Jackson) I realized that journalism was NOT what I wanted to be doing. I loved every second--or almost every second--I spent working on a broadcast and newspaper staff in high school, but professionally, it wasn't for me. One of my favorite sayings says something like, "Find something you love to do, and you'll never work a day in your life." I absolutely hated my journalism classes, and I would have rather dropped out of school than take another. This semester, I'm taking two English classes, and I'm registered for three more next fall. I absolutely love every second of them, and I actually look forward to doing the readings and homework. College has taught me that even if you've spent years of doing one thing, don't be surprised when it doesn't seem to work. It's OK to change your mind. Just find something you love.

I've learned that college really does change everything. I used to think I'd be so excited to go back to high school football games, and when we went to Viewmont's prom our junior year, we even talked about going back this year. Yeah....NO. Don't get me wrong I loved high school, for the most part at least, but that time has passed. And I finally understand what people mean when they say "I wouldn't relive those days for anything in the world."

I've learned that you should give everything a try. I can't think of a single time I regret doing something that I originally questioned. Try EVERYTHING. Whether it's camping on the Quad, intramural volleyball, or a time out game during an Aggie Basketball game...DO IT. You're only going to regret the things you don't do.
Most importantly though, I've learned about myself. That's what these few years are for, to find out who you're really supposed to be and what you have to do to get there. So take chances.  Stay up til three a.m. every night for a week and make memories. Take classes you never thought you would. Fall in love with someone. Jump in First Dam. Sleep on the Quad. Wait in line for six hours for a football game. Stay in the library for sixteen million hours. Talk to that really cute kid you pass every morning. Whatever it is, just do it. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because we only have one chance to make this experience the best it can be. The most important thing I learned, though? "Be in love with your life, every minute of it." 

As we move out this week, and everyone we've met heads out on missions, gets married, changes schools, or just goes home for the summer, it's hard not to think about how much is going to change and how much I'm going to miss. 

I'm going to miss midnight McDonald's runs, orange chicken dates, 2 am prank wars, and all night long conversations with the 106 boys. Those boys give new meaning to the term "love/hate relationship" and as much as it drives me crazy when they knock on the door at 1:30 in the morning, I know I'll miss it when they're not living next door anymore.
I'm going to miss Cookie Wednesdays, First Floor socials, and Sunday dinners in 103.
I'm going to miss my first single's ward, running to ward prayer, and visits from the bishopric during finals week.

I'm going to miss bagel dates, Lundstrom study parties, and Taco Tuesday with my favorite people.
I'm going to miss our endless pile of dishes, our perpetually disastrous bathroom counters, our crowded fridge, and my closet that doesn't fit a quarter of my wardrobe.

I've made a million and a half memories these last nine months, and I'm going to miss this apartment more than I think any of us realize right now. We're all off to a thousand places, headed on and up in the things we're doing...but I can't think of a better place to be, or better people to be going with.

So here's to our freshman year, for being the perfect beginning to the rest of our lives. 

Every good thing.

I've come to the conclusion that life likes making me emotional. 

This week, as we've been registering for the next semester, applying for new apartments, and packing up everything we own for our move home, I've realized once again how absolutely incredible this school year has been. 

In the last nine months, these girls have become my best friends, my sisters, and my go-to's. 

We've gone through break ups, finals weeks, and funerals together. 

We've sent off missionaries, opened mission calls, and been accepted to other schools. 

We've shared each other's clothes, dyed each other's hair, and made each other cry (ONLY ONCE, THOUGH).

You couldn't find five better people anywhere in the world. 

These are the girls who offered input on a letter to grandparents I hadn't seen in years, and then drove with me to find their house in the middle of the night. 

These are the girls who listened to my pointless rambling and endless whining about boys, and then got as excited as I did when things started working out. 

These are the girls who had Dr. Pepper and letters waiting for me the day I said goodbye to Bronson, and the ones who cried with me when I realized that a vast majority of my friends were leaving. 

These are the girls I stay up with all night talking about the future, doing homework, and thinking about life. 

They're the ones I go to for everything, the ones whose closets I share, the ones I hurry back up to Logan for. 

They're the first people I call when something good happens, and the ones I go crying to when something is wrong. 

They know what to do when I'm having a bad day, and how to knock my ego down a few steps when I'm being a brat. 

And I honestly don't know where I'd be without them. Kenzie makes fun of me because I say that everyone is my "best friend." But when it comes down to it, I really only have five of those. 

They've changed my life more in these last nine months than I would have ever imagined, and I am grateful for them every single day. 

Grateful for the fact that I've been able to call Emi my best friend for the last six years. 

Grateful for having Kenzie there with me every step of the way these last few months. 

Grateful that Adrienne thinks I'm worth living with another year. 

Grateful that I found another twin in Lauren. 

Grateful that Kelsey knows how to always make me laugh, and helped me survive last semester. 

But mostly, I'm grateful that somebody realized how much I needed these girls. 

So here's to us, 102. 

For making our freshman year the best it could have been, and for giving us the best friends a girl could ask for. Because even though all good things come to an end, we've got years ahead of us. 

I owe you the world, girls. 

The final countdown.

It's Monday. Which means that I'm sitting on the couch, compulsively refreshing my email waiting for word from my best friends. 

It also means that I have ample time to be reviewing facts for the sample tour I have to give...today could be an adventure. 

Instead, it's time for a highlight reel of the last few days. 

Massage train in 102: because there's really no better way to spend a Wednesday night. 

Relay for Life: Utah State Edition. Cancer sucks, so of course we'll walk dozens of laps around the fieldhouse track. 

All this sunshine makes a girl ridiculously happy. As does being done with a Relief Society lesson. So the four of us that were left had to document the spring colors.

Sunday drives are the best way to end a perfect day. They're even better when you're with your best friends, wrapped in our favorite blankets and hoodies, and sitting on a bench that looks over the whole valley. 

We've got two (maybe three) weekends left up here, and that realization hit hard last week. Words can't even begin to cover how lucky I am to have these girls as my best friends, and I can't think of five people I'd rather be living with. 

Come May, we'll all be headed in different directions. 

Kelsey leaves for her mission in Knoxville, Tennessee May 22nd. 

Emi's moving home to work in Salt Lake before heading to Vancouver, Canada on August 7th. 

Kenzie's transferring to Weber State for fall semester. 

Adrienne's moving home for the summer, before coming back up in the fall. 

Lauren and I are working in Logan all summer, and staying up here for the foreseeable future. 

Things are changing again, right as we're finally getting the hang of this college thing. Oh well. C'est la vie. 

I guess it's just blowing my mind that in two weeks, I can say I've successfully completed a full year of college. Time's flying--and I'm in love with that fact. 

You learn something new.

From work:

There are three reasons Americans are overweight: ranch dressing, french fries, and syrup.
We have a different favorite pie depending on the night...if a pie isn't cut and ready to serve, we won't recommend it. Easy as that. 

You can be the cutest boy I've seen in Logan, but if you don't tip well? There's no hope. 

If you come in with a party bigger than 10 people, there is a good chance I hate you. 

There are very few words that make me happier than "You're cut," and few words that make me angrier than "We're just getting pie."
We remember how well you tip, and will serve you accordingly. [We're shallow like that, sometimes.]
If you come in 20 minutes before we close and order a full meal, chances are that we definitely hate you.
The customer is always right. Even when they're wrong...they're right.

From my roommates: 

Ethnic hair products should never be used on a white girl's hair. 

Don't overfeed your fish. 

Mason jars are terrifying. 

There's no problem in life that Pringles or Ben & Jerry's [or both] can't solve. 

Toaster Strudels are a nutritious part of this complete breakfast.
No one loves their mailbox more than Snow 102.
There is absolutely nothing irrational about making a cake at 3 am, eating multiple paninis in one day, doing laundry at one o'clock in the morning,  or watching Phantom of the Opera three times in 24 hours.
"It's finals week" is the perfect rationale for any food purchase.
We will go to great lengths to get to Taco Tuesday.
Missionary letters are better than 42 Dr. Peppers.

From being in college:
Creative Arts is the most pointless class in the history of college classes.
High school journalism classes are VERY different from college journalism classes.
The 12:00 Aggie Shuttle can explode your personal bubble in .3 seconds.
BlueZone is never reliable.
The words "FREE FOOD" will get most college students to do just about anything. [Actually, free anything makes us pretty happy campers.]
It's easier to wait a week to do laundry when you go home than to pay $2.25 at the Lundstrom.
I thought I was a decent cook. College has taught me otherwise.
Finals Week is nothing like AP Week, regardless of what your teachers tell you. Unless AP week suddenly involves 3 am McDonald's runs for yet another caffeinated drink, 12 hour days in the library, and enough popcorn to fill a small house, then no. They're nothing alike.
My parents know a lot more than I thought, and I need them a lot more than I thought I would. On the same note, my siblings aren't quite as obnoxious as I thought they were.
PDA is much more prominent on a college campus.
Being an adult isn't as much fun as we thought it would be when we were little.
College social life usually starts about the time I had to be home to make curfew in high school.
And last, but definitely not least, Utah State is the best place on the freaking planet. 

If you say so.

 My Friday nights are better than yours. Guaranteed. I got off work way earlier than I thought I was going to, and everybody else had plans...so we went to Hasting's. Rented The Lucky One and Sweet Home Alabama and didn't move off our couch for four straight hours. It was blissful. There's just something about Zac Efron and Patrick Dempsey that make staying in on a Friday night completely worth it. [that, and the fact that I have a legitimate ice cream problem. Ben & Jerry are my best friends. My roommates just laugh at me.]

 Good news, kids! We've finally how to keep our sink empty. We're really good at doing dishes...and stacking them up nicely, we're just rather awful at putting them away. [This picture was taken a week and a half ago...and even thought that particular load has been put away, we've got another pile.]

When my family doesn't answer my FaceTime calls, and I exclaim that they don't really love me that day, Kenzie decides to FaceTime me instead. From the opposite side of the couch. 

While Kenzie loves me...Emi abuses me. The remaining potatoes in our 25lb bag may or may not have started sprouting...and I wasn't okay with it. I have a large problem with expiration dates, moldy food, and unnatural growths on food. Anytime I said something snotty or sarcastic--which happens more often than not--Emi would pull these out and try and touch me with them. It was not okay.

I promised Bronson's mom chocolate peanut butter cupcakes the next time I was home, so when I was home Sunday afternoon, I figured I might as well employ my little sisters to help me make them. Mary probably ate more uncooked batter than actual cupcake, but she's also the best helper I have. She's one of my best friends and the best part about coming home. 

 It's mid-term week at USU...and I'm loving it. Not a single one of my classes has an actual midterm exam, and next week is Spring Break. I've got a research essay to write and I have to read The Awakening for my literary analysis class, but none of that is even due until after spring break. [Side note: after spring break? I only have 12 days left of classes. One of the many benefits of only having school two days a week!]

I love love.

It's Valentine's Day! Probably one of my favorite holidays in the whole world...I mean what girl doesn't love flowers and chocolate and the words "I love you"? No one sane, that's for sure. 

Valentine's Day isn't just about being in love, it's about love in general. 

My favorite kinds of love?
The way my mom makes my favorite food when I get home, or finishes my laundry for me. How she buys a carton of orange juice for me to take back up to school because she knows how much I love it. How she doesn't argue when I drive home from Logan just to pick up my snowboard and a few other things, and just tells me to make sure I drive safe. 

The way it feels to get a sincere compliment from complete stranger.

The way my dad sends me emails out of the blue that always say exactly what I need to hear. How he texts me before he goes to bed just to make sure I had a good day. How he spends hours making sure my car works okay, or doesn't laugh when Ryan and I head to In-n-Out at midnight....again. 

The way it feels when you listen to your favorite song, watch your favorite movie, or read your favorite book. 

The way Hailee drives from Bountiful to spend the night with Emi and I and stays up way too late talking to me, and making sure I'm alright. The way she listens to all my irrational fears, and then offers a rational alternative and sound advice. The way she gives me music suggestions not because she knows I love music, but because she knows how much I love the lyrics. 

The way it feels to find a scripture that answers the question you've had in your head all day. 

The way Bronson snowboards with me all day, and even though he could be with Jackson and Jared and Jon and Paige, he stays with me and doesn't laugh (too hard) when I spend most of the time on my face. How every May 5th for three years, I've had a bouquet of flowers delivered from him, because he knows it's a rough day and how much I love flowers. How he comes to ColdStone with me and Jon even though he hates ice cream. 

The way it feels to fill a whole page in your journal with your favorite memories. 

The way my little sisters yell my name when I come home, and how Mary begs to have a sleepover with me every single night. How they fight over who gets to run errands with me, and who gets to go through the bank drive thru and get suckers. 

The way it feels to get a hug from someone you've been missing. 

The way Jon looks out for me like a big brother. How he fixes my car (far too often), and takes me out for ice cream when I need a break. How he and Bryan take me to lunch with them. How he's letting me and Lauren dye his hair to cease our boredom. How he offers to drive me home and makes sure I get home safe wherever I go. 

The way it feels to get a really big tip on a long night at work. 

The way Emi can make me laugh at three in the morning with another off-the-wall comment. How she gets my love for unattainable movie stars and band members. How she's always up to shop with me or make me egg-drop soup. How she finishes my sentences and can choreograph a dance to Stronger spur of the moment. 

The way it feels to wrap up in your favorite blanket and watch TLC. 

The way my roommates and I have dance parties at 1 in the morning to Stronger and 22, and how much we rely on each other for everything. How they have a Dr. Pepper waiting for me at the end of a long day. How they listen to my stories and don't judge me when I start crying for no apparent reason. 

The way it feels to drive around in the middle of the night with your best friend. 

Love, in all forms, is wonderful. I love my friends. My family. The gospel. My life.

"Be in love with your life. Every minute of it." -Jack Kerouac

I am. 

Happy Valentine's Day from Snow 102 [and Dallin of course]! Have a lovely day! 

A touchy subject.

[DISCLAIMER: This post may be slightly pointless and not really help anybody out there--not that any of mine do, really--but I needed to talk, and that's what this blog is for. Read at your own risk, I guess?]

From the time we're little, we're taught to put ourselves in a good environment, with people that uplift and support us, and make us better people. I have been very very blessed in this respect, and I am very aware of how lucky I am. 

I have parents that support me in everything I do, whether it's another crazy hair-dye job, a confusing class schedule, or a spur of the moment trip home just to grab a snowboard. They never question me, and always make sure I'm aware that I can make decisions by myself and that they'll support me in everything I do. 

I have five younger siblings who look up to me, and make me a better person everyday. Brittany pushes me to do my best, Ryan looks to me for music suggestions, Emily asks for book recommendations, and Aubrey and Mary would follow me anywhere I ask them to go (as long as they got  Zupa's or Dum-Dums out of the deal.) 

My five roommates listen to every complaint I have about anything, and always have advice for me. They wait up for me from work, even on my crazy weekend shifts, and never fail to make me smile on a hard day. 

I have the three best boy-friends a girl could ever ask for. They change my tires, buy me ice cream, and stop by for random visits to make sure I'm doing okay. 

Add these to the many, many, many other people in my life that keep me sane, make me smile, and never cease to make me try harder, and you can guarantee that I'm a very lucky girl. 

That said, I have also been....blessed...with some people in my life that serve mainly as trials. Long story short, it's been nearly ten years since I had any kind of face-to-face communication with one set of my grandparents, and the aunts, uncles, and cousins involved on that side. Other than random, completely coincidental (or accidental, you could say) interactions, there has been nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. 

It's not fun to grow up without grandparents. [Don't get me wrong, my other grandparents are angels. Literally, the best people alive.] Picture this: you're nine years old, and suddenly, there's no contact with one set of grandparents. Then, you're fifteen, and you're grandma passes away. It physically hurt every day to know that I didn't have a full set of grandparents out there, and that the one grandma you did have left was gone. Then, try explaining that to a three-year-old and a five-year-old. It doesn't work. 

Thankfully, my grandpa found Jo, and the position of grandma has been filled--and I can't express how grateful I am for that. 

But, it still hurts. To know that less than five miles away from my apartment, I have a set of grandparents that haven't had contact with my family in almost a decade. This year, they will have missed more birthday's than they've made. They missed my first date, my first dance, and my first day of high school. They missed me crossing the finish line for my third Ragnar, walking across the stage for my high school graduation, and didn't hear me speak at Seminary graduation. They'll miss my wedding. My kids. And so many other milestones that I can't even begin to count. 

For a long time, I was really bitter about the situation, to the point that I was angry and mad at them for everything they missed. But now, through lots of talking it out, and tons of time spent on my knees asking for any way to be even mildly OK with the situation, I've come to terms with it. It still hurts, but I've moved on. 

So imagine my surprise today, when taking a table's order, I look up and see my aunt. The one whom I haven't spoken to since I was ten years old. After informing my manager that I needed to call my parents, PRONTO, I took their advice and said hello. 

"I don't know if you recognize me..."
"I do. You're Ashley." 

"Well, uhhh, it's been a long time. It's nice to see you!" 

"Yeah, good to see you." 

And that was that. Even as I walked away, I knew that nothing was going to change because I'd said hello. But for the first time in years, I was content that I'd done what I needed to, and there was nothing else I could have done. Because family isn't just the people who you share a gene pool with, or the people who have the same blood as you do. 

They're the people you call at 3 a.m. because you can't sleep. The ones that know you well enough to know you're not OK even though you say you are. The ones that cook your favorite meals when you come home, or have a carton of orange juice for you to take back up to school with you. The ones who spend hours fixing your car...and aren't too mad when it still doesn't work. The ones who can make you laugh when you don't even want to smile. The ones who would do anything for you, and you'd do exactly the same. 

And in those terms? My family is huge. And I'm so lucky. 

Lead me, guide me.

How's my day going so far? Well. Right now, I'm sitting in my apartment checking outside every few seconds to make sure Jon's not losing his mind. Because my window needs fixing, and he got that job thrown at him on Tuesday at approximately 8 o'clock. [Really, it was earlier. Bronson hadn't even left yet and I was having car problems. C'est la freaking vie.] Took my first physics test today, and turned in my first college English paper ever...after sending off my first round of missionary letters to Elder Kunzler, Elder Gerber, and Elder Anderson. It's been a day of firsts, let me tell you. 

Anyway. Last night during our roommate scripture study, we read 1 Nephi 4:6. 

"And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." 

Reading that, I started thinking of all the things that had happened just that day that were examples of people listening to the Spirit, whether they knew it or not. 

Yesterday was long, and I was exhausted before it was even noon. I got home, made some lunch, and checked my email, where I found a message from my dad. He basically spoke directly to everything that had happened that day. 

"I realized that nothing I say will make the hurt and loneliness magically go away, but I also realize that it is nice to know that someone cares and feels for you." 

Add that to my roommates and their texts and just a million other little things that made me smile, I realized how grateful I am for parents that are in tune with the Spirit enough to know what I need to hear, even when I'm an hour away. 

I went to my A-Team class, a physics review, and then the five of us girls headed over to the library to study some more. As I was going through my notes, another email came through; this one from Bronson's mom, making sure she had my email address, that I'd still come visit, and finally making sure that I was doing okay. 

Now, none of these people knew what I'd been praying for and hoping for that day, and yet every single one of them spoke directly to a specific plea that I'd had that morning. 

My point is...we have a Heavenly Father that knows us. Individually, uniquely, and completely. 

Remember that. 

So it begins.

Sometimes, the window on your car breaks literally seconds after pulling into the parking lot, and you have to use every form of restraint you possess to not let loose a stream of not-so-nice words. Sometimes, you get the last text for two years on your way to Taco Tuesday at Cafe Rio, and lose it, right there in front of your five roommates and the person in the car next to you. Then you get into Cafe Rio and run to Bryan Tew for a hug, because he's the first person you see. [I apologize for ignoring you Blake, Ben, and Bradley. Next time, I'll give you a hug too.]
Sometimes, the only way to keep yourself in check is to curl up in a chair in your family room, turn on Pandora, and lose yourself in the world of Pinterest. Because you know your phone isn't going to be ringing as regularly, and no matter how many times you check it you're not going to have a text, and you don't have the mental capacity to do the homework that is staring you in the face.
Sometimes, your roommates start a scripture study group every night at 10:45, and you start the Book of Mormon over again for the fourth time this year--and no, I have yet to finish it since I moved out. We're working on that. And sometimes, this scripture study suddenly has a more profound impact on you because of all the missionaries you're saying goodbye to. So when you read 1 Nephi 3:6, "Therefore go, my son, and thou shalt be favored of the Lord, because thou hast not murmured," you can't help but be completely overwhelmed with not only the truth of the gospel that your best friends are teaching, but you can't contain the pride and gratitude you have. Because you know that your best friends are favored because they haven't murmured, and you know that they are going to be just fine out there.
Sometimes, the only thing that makes everything okay is the fact that this church is so true. And that makes it okay that you're not going to see some of your friends for a year and a half or two years...because you know that this gospel is worth sharing--worth sharing your friends with the world, and worth them sharing their testimonies.

[Sad story time: This morning, I woke up late and while hurrying to try and make the 7:30 shuttle, I put on mismatched socks. I was the only person on the bus, so naturally I pulled out my phone...and was halfway through a text to him about how he couldn't judge my socks...when I realized that wasn't going to work out so well. Dangit, kid. Now the rest of the world has to learn how to handle my stories. Poor things. The end. This is a happy blog.]

I guess the moral of the story is that even though today's rough, and I'm still figuring out how to spend my time...life is good.
I have some incredible roommates. They have Dr. Pepper waiting for me when I have a long day, and they know how to make me laugh. They make the gospel a priority, and are the best friends and substitute sisters a girl could ask for.
I have some incredible boys in my life. Like Bryan, who makes sure I'm doing alright every time he sees me. Or Jon, who comes over at 11:30 to see what he can do to fix my car, and promises me that he'll make sure I'm taken care of. Or Max, who talks to me until way too early in the morning some nights and is more excited than I am when I make A-Team. ["I can only freak out for so long by myself, Max!" "I'm coming, keep freaking out!!"]
I'm a lucky girl, in every aspect of my life. That's all.

   

Back to normal.

My brother and I have an ice cream addiction. So every time I come home, we inevitably end up making a midnight In-n-Out run for shakes. [Chocolate for me, neopolitan for him.] And then, he steals my phone while we take the "long way" home, really just the frontage road, and snap chats and texts my best friend. And they take the opportunity to abuse me to the best of their ability. It's great...and by great, I mean it's not. Good thing I love 'em.

We're back in Logan! And we're better than ever. I can't even begin to explain how much I missed these girls, even if we do stay up way too late talking and act like we're three. But, you have to admit, we rock the footie pajamas and bathrobes like nobody's business. I'm glad we're back...but I miss everyone back home. Braden and Luke. Bronson and Jackson. Emily and Hailee and Sadie. Sad day. But I'm proud of them, and know that they'll be the best missionaries in the whole world.

I really don't know what to say about this picture, other than the fact that Emi draws on her food. She's a keeper.

Sometimes I bring free pie home, and we inhale it faster than I can get everybody out of bed to eat. Triple berry definitely wins the award for our favorite, and the peanut butter is one we can pass on.

In other news, my family is going to Vegas right now. Without me. So while they're having a party in the 63 degree weather, I'll be going to school and working in the freezing cold. College kid problems? 

BUT. I get to meet the rest of the A-Team tonight! And I'm super excited. 

And then it's time for the welcome back social, complete with a showing of Pitch Perfect and food. College is still wonderful, my friends.