Some people's children.

A little while ago, an old friend acquaintance said some things that really upset me. 

It was one of those comments that's usually said in the heat of the moment, or behind a back...and the fact that it was so outright stung. 

The kind of comment that catches you off guard and makes you regret telling a person anything of importance in your life, for the sole reason that they now had ammunition that would hurt. 

In that moment, I started questioning different aspects of my life--wondering if everybody saw them the way that person did. 

If they thought it, everyone could be thinking it.....right? 

And then I realized that ^^^^ was wrong. 

It didn't matter what they thought, all that mattered was what I thought. 

It was my decisions, my life, my choices in question; and their opinion was just that: an opinion. 

I let one person upset me for a hot minute, and I forgot to look around at the people who weren't upsetting me. 

I was so caught up in being offended that I forgot to appreciate the nice people in my life: 

Like Wolfie bringing me a Dr. Pepper randomly. 

Or Hillary showing up with a mini migraine survival kit. 

Or Adrienne's celebratory cookie. 

Or lunch with Ashley.

Or Judy making sure I knew she had my back. 

Or my dad worrying about my headlight and taxes. 

Or my little sister going on a run with me. 

People aren't always nice--and sometimes they're really good at making you feel awful. 

But ultimately, people are really, really, really good. You just have to surround yourself with the right ones. 

Happy New Year!

To say that 2013 was good to me would be an understatement. 

Here's my favorite moments of the last 365. [In no particular order, because I know someone *cough* Brian *cough* Wolfie* will say something about it.]

Sunday drives around Logan with my roommates--particularly those to the Lonely Bench. Because sometimes, it's easier to deal with life when you're singing along to Taylor Swift as loud as you can with your five best friends. 

Surviving my first year of college; not just with a decent GPA, and my life, but also without a ring on my left hand. 

Conquering my fourth Ragnar, even though the amount of training I did was equal to the amount of Olympic gold medals I have. 

St. George trip with the remaining Snitches. We discovered Swig, Friends at 2 am, and spent absurd amounts of time by the pool. 

SOAR days. Whether it was scooping a dozen gallons of ice cream, trying to calm down yet another angry parent, or giving "tours" on the shuttle--my summer job was the best I'll ever have. 

Designing this "Recycled Fashion" dress. After 15 hours, 2,500 puzzle pieces and almost 100 hot glue sticks--we won Best in Show. What can I say, we're well-rounded. 

Getting 95+ new sisters and developing an affinity for green and white. Kappa Delta is just what I needed in terms of support, motivation, and fun.

It might not have been my favorite part--but sending these guys out on their missions has definitely changed my life. Hearing about their experiences and watching their testimonies grow has strengthened mine, and I'm so proud of all of them. Here's to 2014 bringing them all home.

Documenting the last time the Snitches were all together--and all single. Next time we're all together, there'll be wedding rings involved.

Summer adventures with my #twerkteam. Whether we were swimming in fountains, watching fireworks in Huntsville, cliff jumping at Bloomington or watching yet another movie on the LoveSac, I'm so grateful I met these people and am even more grateful that I can call them some of my closest friends. 

Starting [and being almost done with!] my second year of college. Still not quite sure what exactly I'm going to do with a degree in English Literature...but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 

Coming home to my family is my favorite thing. Between hearing my little sisters running through the house and going on late-night shake runs with my little brother, or shopping with my parents--home is definitely my favorite place to be. 

2013 was different. I moved apartments multiple times, and worked two jobs. I said goodbye to the people I care most about--and found friends that I love just as much. I changed my major once, and my hair color more than once [which is evident as you scroll through the pictures. Whoops.]. And I learned a lot about myself. 

So here's to you, 2013. For teaching me that I can do things on my own, and that change is OK. For helping me get out of my comfort zone, and showing me what's important. 

And here's to 2014, for bringing me back the people I love most and for even more adventures, learning, and change. If 2014 is half as good to me as this year has been, I'll be a happy girl. 

Cheers to a new year, and another chance for us to get it right.

You learn something new.

From work:

There are three reasons Americans are overweight: ranch dressing, french fries, and syrup.
We have a different favorite pie depending on the night...if a pie isn't cut and ready to serve, we won't recommend it. Easy as that. 

You can be the cutest boy I've seen in Logan, but if you don't tip well? There's no hope. 

If you come in with a party bigger than 10 people, there is a good chance I hate you. 

There are very few words that make me happier than "You're cut," and few words that make me angrier than "We're just getting pie."
We remember how well you tip, and will serve you accordingly. [We're shallow like that, sometimes.]
If you come in 20 minutes before we close and order a full meal, chances are that we definitely hate you.
The customer is always right. Even when they're wrong...they're right.

From my roommates: 

Ethnic hair products should never be used on a white girl's hair. 

Don't overfeed your fish. 

Mason jars are terrifying. 

There's no problem in life that Pringles or Ben & Jerry's [or both] can't solve. 

Toaster Strudels are a nutritious part of this complete breakfast.
No one loves their mailbox more than Snow 102.
There is absolutely nothing irrational about making a cake at 3 am, eating multiple paninis in one day, doing laundry at one o'clock in the morning,  or watching Phantom of the Opera three times in 24 hours.
"It's finals week" is the perfect rationale for any food purchase.
We will go to great lengths to get to Taco Tuesday.
Missionary letters are better than 42 Dr. Peppers.

From being in college:
Creative Arts is the most pointless class in the history of college classes.
High school journalism classes are VERY different from college journalism classes.
The 12:00 Aggie Shuttle can explode your personal bubble in .3 seconds.
BlueZone is never reliable.
The words "FREE FOOD" will get most college students to do just about anything. [Actually, free anything makes us pretty happy campers.]
It's easier to wait a week to do laundry when you go home than to pay $2.25 at the Lundstrom.
I thought I was a decent cook. College has taught me otherwise.
Finals Week is nothing like AP Week, regardless of what your teachers tell you. Unless AP week suddenly involves 3 am McDonald's runs for yet another caffeinated drink, 12 hour days in the library, and enough popcorn to fill a small house, then no. They're nothing alike.
My parents know a lot more than I thought, and I need them a lot more than I thought I would. On the same note, my siblings aren't quite as obnoxious as I thought they were.
PDA is much more prominent on a college campus.
Being an adult isn't as much fun as we thought it would be when we were little.
College social life usually starts about the time I had to be home to make curfew in high school.
And last, but definitely not least, Utah State is the best place on the freaking planet. 

I know it's you.

Dear Anonymous,
You say I've only heard half the story and I don't know what really happened. To say that, while commenting as an anonymous author says that you are not proud of the way the situation was handled and can't own up to your own actions. If I really didn't know the whole story, you'd say it in person, or at least under your own name. The fact that you can't do that speaks volumes.
According to you, I'm clueless and should just forgive and forget. You are wrong. I know everything. I've read the letters and emails. I've heard both sides of the story from those outside people who got involved. And I've lived it. 
In the nine years this has been going on, you've missed exactly half of my life.
I've graduated Primary, received my Young Womanhood Recognition award, moved from YW to Relief Society, been co-president of a Seminary council, and spoke at Seminary graduation. I graduated from not only elementary school and Jr. High, but High school as well; with no acknowledgment from you. You never saw pictures of me at the Sterling Scholar awards or my high school dance groups. You didn't watch me play lacrosse, or see me cross the finish line for any of my three Ragnar relays. You don't know that I helped design an entire line of prom dresses, am majoring in English, and haven't seen my awards for newspaper design. You weren't there when I went on my first date and you won't be at my wedding.
I may not have participated in the events that led to where we are now, but I have lived the effects for the last decade. I'm not living at home anymore, but being on my own hasn't made the hurt go away. I have my own life, and I'm fending for myself. But I'm still part of my family, and we come as a group. Unless an effort is made for all eight of us, I want nothing to do with a relationship.

It all comes down to the fact that actions speak louder than words.

You can tell me you love me [you always have, always will, never stopped], but I don't believe it.

If you love someone, you go out of your way to make them happy. You don't request that they don't send birthday cards, Christmas letters, or graduation announcements anymore.
If you love someone, you want to spend time with them. You don't intentionally avoid and refuse any contact or meeting.
If you love someone, you speak highly and kindly of them. You don't make false accusations and damage reputations.
Love takes work, and you have to show it in the way you live. It's not a word that can be thrown around to try and prove a point, but rather something that you have to prove by the things you do.
Love is the way my parents check in on me and the way my sisters FaceTime me before bed. Love is the way my best friend makes me laugh even through a letter when I haven't seen him in months and the way my roommates wait up for me to get off work. Love is the way my grandpa never misses a chance to let me know how proud he is of me and the way my home teachers give us blessings before finals week.
Love is more than a bag of cookies and a doily, or a forced conversation and a sealed envelope.

You say you love me and my family, but you don't show it.
I'm sorry I'm not trying to fix this, but I have too many other relationships with people who do love me to focus on, and not a second to spare for those who don't.

See you soon.

With No-Shave November officially over, we've been able to watch some of our friends remove their facial hair in stages....these would Max's "star-burns." I didn't get the handle-bar mustache that accompanied them the next day, but this should just serve as a pleasant reminder to all of you that not all facial hair is creepy...some of it's just plain weird. [But Max, I still adore you. :)]

I got a text on Tuesday from my mom just as I was getting out of yoga and all it said was, "Mary says this is her crying because she misses you." I called her later that day and this is about how our conversation went. 

"Hi Mar! I saw your picture."
"Ohhhh, yeah."

"Were you just so sad?" 

"You're just always gone, Ash! And I miss you. Can we have a sleepover?" 

I admire the innocence and pure love this little girl has...and I miss her more than anything else. I can't wait for Christmas Break. 

Kelsey is a winner, and she wore this lovely ensemble to the Ambassador [or Ambadassador, depending on who you ask] Christmas party. Opaque red tights, pleather red boots, a Christmas t-shirt, and a Christmas sweater, complete with jingle bells, all tied together with a tacky red bow in her hair. I absolutely adore this girl, and wouldn't ever wake up on Tuesday and Thursday mornings if it wasn't for her. Thanks, Kels. :) 

For our Relief Society activity this month, we had a steak dinner and made ornaments. We wanted to get a picture taken with all of us roommates and our ornaments, so we asked Morgan to do so...and this is what we got out of it. Four pictures of Morgan's face, and one decent picture of us snitches. We'll keep Burns around, I guess. 

Cute, aren't we? And Kelsey and I even made an ornament, and we're the least crafty of the six of us. [Yes, it may just be a clear ornament with a Wendy's coupon in it that we're going to smash like they do in a Jewish wedding ceremony as soon as we both finish our JCOM final, but don't judge us. We tried.]

And now, it's time to crackdown for finals week. So the six of us migrate to the library, and don't move for six hours. [Except for mental health breaks, where we run stairs and people watch until we have to study some more.] Which is exactly what we're about to do for the second time of many, as soon as we get our study food and pack our bags for nightly hibernation. The moral of the story is, I'm signing off until next week. [Except for the A-Team announcement tomorrow, which is giving me an ulcer the size of a small country.] Time to put the Dr. Pepper in an IV line, and stock up on Polar Ice gum, since that's the only thing that keeps me focused on the fact that I can't be snacking constantly. Yay finals week, and good luck to you kids doing the same. See ya never. :) 

Sometimes things change.

Things I've learned so far: 

1. You should always keep a sharp knife in your bag, if not for anything else other than to cut a six foot Subway sandwich that your Connections class needs to eat. If you don't...you have to sanitize a hatchet with your spray hand sanitizer and then proceed to chop the sandwich into messy piles that somewhat resemble edible food. 

2. Walking to First Dam is never a good idea. Especially with 30 people, one of whom is short a foot for the next two weeks. [Not really, just in a boot after arch reconstruction. I'll spare you the details.] So instead, you should always ride in the back of your instructors truck in groups of 15, and attempt not to fall out on 4th North. 

3. When the girls next door put up signs offering crepes to anyone who shows up, you should be prepared for mass amounts of noise and far too many people to process any coherent thoughts. Or, you should just go back to your own apartment, prop your door open, and accept the "run-off" of people that are spilling all over the first floor of Snow Hall. Really. That's the best option for everyone. 

4. Comedians who come do free shows on campus are always a good idea. Better idea? Sit in the very front row with all the girls on your floor and laugh at everything and make snarky comments [EMI.] at all of his jokes aimed at your best friend's weird obsession with Honey-Boo-Boo Child. 

5. Also, when you see old friends/people from high school/someone you once met at some random place, always attempt to make it as awkward as possible. Their facial expressions will be excellent, and sometimes it teaches you new things. Yelling to the boy who volunteered at the magic show--who also happened to be super cute?--happens to live on our floor. You're welcome, roomies. 

Bright smiles and lots of noise.

Less than a month until I'm in Logan...the world is changing, people. Changing fast. My bedspread has been bought (super cute multi colored chevron stripes of course) and my kitchen stuff has been organized and listed so that when the six of us girls all meet for the first time next week, we can figure out who is bringing what. I'm packing my winter clothes next week, and I've got to buy all my storage stuff ASAP too. It's all a little weird. So rather than being productive and shortening my to do list, I spend my days babysitting two adorable chillins' and serving Mexican food to a majority of Kaysville and Farmington. And sometimes, just sometimes, we do a charity ride as a family, and the baby girls get their faces painted by a clown. 

Mary wanted to be a puppy-no surprise there-but it only lasted as long as it took her snow cone to melt. It just looked like she was a seriously abused animal after that. Oh well. 

Aubrey though, went for the sparkly butterfly. And it was probably one of the coolest painting jobs I've ever seen. So even though it was hot, and ten miles is a long way to ride with 500+ people, I'd say it was a fantastic way to start a Saturday. 

Tomorrow? I get/have to go to Relief Society. And I get/have to teach sharing time for Junior and Senior Primary in two weeks, about how my friends have influenced me to make good decisions. It's a good thing I have a darn good group of friends, or it could be a really awkward hour and a half. 

Yay for packing, family, church, lessons, and friends. And really? Yay life.