It's still weird.

It's been a year since I graduated from high school. A whole stinking year. 

Freaky how fast time flies without you realizing it. 

I posted this picture on my instagram account for my #tbt post of the week, and it made me think about how much has happened in the last 12 months. 

-I ran my third Ragnar relay (and my fourth happens in 21 days. I've already resigned myself to the fact that I'm dying on the trail). 

-I turned 18, and celebrated my birthday with 12 of my favorite people over a weekend in Park City.

 -I moved up to school with five of the best friends I've ever had...and have now sent one on a mission, one leaving in just under 70 days, one home to go to a different school, and found an apartment for the three of us left. 

 -I started hanging out with these boys again, and have watched my best friends leave on their missions (four months down today!). 

-I made USU's A-Team, changed my major twice, and survived a whole year of college on my own. 

It's weird to look back over a year and see how much has changed and how much I've accomplished in what seems like such a small amount of time. 

Girls my age are getting married, some of the boys have been gone almost a whole year, and I haven't seen some of the kids I grew up with in months. 

High school was great--for the most part--but I'm loving this whole "real world" thing. That doesn't mean it's necessarily all fun and games, but college definitely has it's perks; and I love every single minute of it. 

That said...here's a list of things I want to do by the time I'm 20 (which is about a year from now). 

What are some things you'd add/want to do? 

The final countdown.

It's Monday. Which means that I'm sitting on the couch, compulsively refreshing my email waiting for word from my best friends. 

It also means that I have ample time to be reviewing facts for the sample tour I have to give...today could be an adventure. 

Instead, it's time for a highlight reel of the last few days. 

Massage train in 102: because there's really no better way to spend a Wednesday night. 

Relay for Life: Utah State Edition. Cancer sucks, so of course we'll walk dozens of laps around the fieldhouse track. 

All this sunshine makes a girl ridiculously happy. As does being done with a Relief Society lesson. So the four of us that were left had to document the spring colors.

Sunday drives are the best way to end a perfect day. They're even better when you're with your best friends, wrapped in our favorite blankets and hoodies, and sitting on a bench that looks over the whole valley. 

We've got two (maybe three) weekends left up here, and that realization hit hard last week. Words can't even begin to cover how lucky I am to have these girls as my best friends, and I can't think of five people I'd rather be living with. 

Come May, we'll all be headed in different directions. 

Kelsey leaves for her mission in Knoxville, Tennessee May 22nd. 

Emi's moving home to work in Salt Lake before heading to Vancouver, Canada on August 7th. 

Kenzie's transferring to Weber State for fall semester. 

Adrienne's moving home for the summer, before coming back up in the fall. 

Lauren and I are working in Logan all summer, and staying up here for the foreseeable future. 

Things are changing again, right as we're finally getting the hang of this college thing. Oh well. C'est la vie. 

I guess it's just blowing my mind that in two weeks, I can say I've successfully completed a full year of college. Time's flying--and I'm in love with that fact. 

We've been changed for good.

Even though we've all said goodbye once, the goodbyes are suddenly becoming more and more real. Because now? It'll be years before we're all together again, instead of weeks or days. The future is a big deal, and it's weird to think that there's a large part of my life that these kids won't be a part of.
But honestly? There's no other reason in this world I'd rather have them leaving for. Two years may be a long time, 700ish days in reality, and even though it terrifies me, there's nothing I'd rather them be doing. They're making the right decisions, and going to all the right places.
I owe a lot to these kids; Bronson, Sam and Jackson in particular. And even though a million and a half things have changed in the last little while, I will always consider them my best friends. Sam's farewell was today, and it was completely surreal (more so than Blake's, if possible.) and slightly heartbreaking to realize that these kids are going to be gone for a relatively long time, but words can't describe how good it felt to finally be together with everyone again for one of the last times.
And in regards to the girls? I couldn't ask for better "sisters." They make me laugh, keep me updated on what's happening, and listen to just about everything I have to say. And even though we don't see each other every day, I know that they'll be the ones cheering at my wedding and the ones I call for baby advice.
I guess what I really want to say is that when it comes to friends, I'm really really lucky. And I've missed them.

Good luck, Sam. We're gonna miss ya kiddo. But you'll do great things, and those Guaminians are real lucky to have you. :)

All grown up.

Twelve hours from now, I'll be on my way up to Logan with my best friend. We're almost completely moved in, and the rest of the roommates join us tomorrow. (Family Home Evening? Be prepared. Snow 102 is the coolest dorm on campus. Just wait. ) Since I'm all grown up now, and it was my last weekend home, we went on a few adventures. 

Last night, we went to Johnny Rockets with the SSMT (figure it out.) after we'd shopped and explored Centerville all day. Then we went up to Kyle's to watch a movie. Considering the fact that it was Hailee, Haley, Emi, Maddy and I there, he got out-voted pretty quickly on the movie. Our bad. The night before, Hailee, Kyle and I went up to Mueller Park to build a fire, and realized that we would in fact survive in the wilderness if it ever came to that point. The things I learn with these kids. 

I spent Monday-Thursday babysitting the three girls while Ryan, Brittany and my parents were on Trek. We school shopped, went to Zupa's, and played at the pool. I'm gonna miss these hooligans. 

And last but not least, my baby sister is a psycho. She decided that since Mom was gone, she could drive her car with her eyes closed and no hands, and backwards. Weirdo. 

Pointless post, but the moral of the story is, I definitely won the friend lottery. Also, my siblings are the best I could ask for. And even though I'm only going to be an hour away, I'm going to miss all of them like crazy. Yay for Skype and Google+ Chat and FaceTime. 

Be prepared for some epic intro to college posts. Seriously. It's going to be the adventure of a lifetime. 

All good things come to an end.

Well. We did it. Twelve years of schooling, teachers, homework, tests, and social circles are finally over. We graduated. I didn't even trip. And they played the school song for the last time--it sounded like a funeral march. Fitting? or eery? Anyway. (Sidenote: Only at Davis High could you graduate and not know the person sitting right next to you. Seriously. I'd never seen--or heard--of her in my life. Better late than never, right?) The class of 2012 accomplished a lot. Multiple state titles, record breaking academics and test scores, and we were the first class in all 98 to ever get kicked out of a dance. I'd say we're winners. But the those things are all good, and fun, but the things that matter most are the people we met and the people we've become. Conveniently, those two subjects are directly linked. These girls survived nearly 12 years of school with me, except for the couple years they decided to be smarter than I was and go to Spectrum. But we all make mistakes. ;) But really, we've been through a lot. And in less than two months, we'll be two hours away from each other, and leading separate lives. It's a little odd. 

So as my favorite ginger heads off to Europe for a month,and the lone blonde betters the lives of underprivileged children, I just want to say thank you. 

In other news, I had a massive dinner of sushi with my parents. Mmmmm. I could eat that stuff all day, everyday. My husband better like it, or we could have some serious issues. Also, the all night party was fantastic. However, I wouldn't recommend doing Flowrider and iRock early, because then you're exhausted. Also, don't let your best friend belay you on the rock wall...I almost died. But that's another story. We bowled more than I ever have in my entire life, climbed walls, earned ticked, and won the sickest t-shirts in existence. (It has a giraffe with a mustache on it. Is there anything better??) I got home at 4, and slept til noon. I'm sore, tired, and not wanting to go to work tonight. But it was so worth it. 

We did it, kids. We really did. 

Double or nothing.

Surreal. That was really the only way to describe how today felt. As I waited in line to turn into the north end this morning, grumbling as usual about the line of cars that were running behind like me, I couldn't help but think of everything that the last three years have taught me. Pulling into my parking spot, I watched as the lot filled up around me and laughed as the car next to me struggled to park straight--again. Walking in through the theaters, my nose filled with the distinct smell of the art classrooms and just north end in general, and the immediate lack of wi-fi frustrated my instagram addiction. I made my way to the commons, and took my place by the ramp to wait for everybody. Turning around slowly, I watched as the commons filled, and then the halls, and the main stairs became more and more crowded. My friends walked up and started conversations as usual, but my participation in these chats was limited by the ever present, "this is the last time we'll be doing this," thought in the back of my head. The bell rang, and there was almost a collective deep breath as we embarked on our final last day of school. Pushing my way through the main stairs like I have every day for the last three years, and veering around the corner to Dave's room, flash backs of the first time we walked in there flooded my brain. Sophomores, scared of school in general, and a foreign language wasn't helping anything. Now? That room is comfortable. Our corner is defined, and the sophomores are scared of us. Yelling "BYE DAVE" at the top of our lungs for the last time was almost irritatingly depressing, and eerily bizarre. During advisory, the pep rally in the main gym offered the perfect vantage point for us to watch almost all of the 2,400 kids at Davis High file in to congratulate our teams one last time. The awards were given, and the school song was sung. The cheer leaders did a dance we could all do in our sleep by now, and we yelled our "D," "H," "S's" louder than we ever had before, giving it all we had, because it was the last chance we had to give. The weirdest part of the day though? D-TV for the last time. Not only has that class in general changed my life, but our adviser completely altered the path I want to take in school and made me love things I never would have before. We watched our traditional parodies, and then sat down to listen to Terri read "Oh the Places You'll Go" for the last time. Terri doesn't cry, but at the line, "Kid, you'll move mountains." She looked around at all of us, and was almost there. I've devoted 16 class periods, countless hours, and way too much of my energy to that program. I even gave up prom last year for it. But when the juniors stood up to say thank you, I'm pretty sure that's when it hit me that we were done there. Us girls are all babies, and Sammy made us all cry. But the worst part was walking out of that room, a place where I have basically lived for the last three years (like ate all three meals there multiple times, gotten ready for games and assemblies, scrambled to finish homework, and slept on the floor way too many times lived) and saying, "peace out kids, good luck next year." It took more than a few deep breaths for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm done there, and there's no turning back. Our last sign off was weeks ago, but it didn't really register until today that I'm not part of that anymore. Signing yearbooks while the committees ran the BBQ was a little bizarre too, as we've run that thing for the last two years. Just another realization that we're done, and it's somebody elses turn to take charge. I'll be graduated in less than 48 hours, and will no longer be a part of Davis High. But right now, I can say for certain that it is definitely a great day to be a Dart.

Peace out, kids.

First day of kindergarten, and the last day of high school.

Blonde, brunette.

Curls, straight.

Living at my grandma's, new house in the culdesac.

12 years is a long time, and obviously a lot has changed.

High school has been great, but I'm ready to be done with this place.

Last Fit for Life class attended, and I've never been happier to leave the locker room.

Last pep rally cheered at, and we left the gym for the last time.

And D-TV wraps up in approximately two hours. I'm a tiny bit distressed.

But we've had our turn, and it's our turn to leave.

Peace out, Davis High.

Almost there, just one more second.

While doing my usual pre-bedtime blog stalk, I read Maddy's blog. (Check it out here, if you don't already.) And she made this list of high school memories. Seeing as we have less than a week of school left before we hit the "real world," I figured it was only fitting for me to do the same. Here's a list of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I Remember:
1. That first day of high school, walking in feeling like I was completely lost. But so proud of my tan--recently acquired in Oregon, and my newly dyed hair. I had my priorities straight?
2. Helping Maddy do her hair for Homecoming sophomore year, and knowing that it would be a whole year until I could go to a dance was awful. BUT. That marked the first time we all got ready together.
3. AP World History just about killed me, and I remember feeling like the biggest idiot in that class, and in math. Not a good year for academics, other than English. Photography was also eye-opening. I think Anna and I did more in Photoshop than anybody else that year.
4. I remember taking Intro that year with Kelsey and feeling so cool that I had Terri for two whole class periods.
5. I remember taking family pictures November 20, and then randomly getting a text from Bronson, who I hadn't spoken to since the last day of ninth grade. He invited me over to his house, and I was the ONLY Davis person there. That was the first time I met Jared, Sam, Jackson, and all those kids. It also was the beginning of a long string of events.
6. I remember talking to Bronson two days after Christmas, and asking him how his family vacation was going, and being surprised when he told me he was coming home early. Why? "To say goodbye to Brian." I stayed up later that night talking to him than I ever had before.
7. New Years Eve sophomore year was the best one yet. Huge party at Hannah's, and everyone got together that night. The musical revue that next week was great, and watching Brian Regan at Bronson's house after was the first time of many. Poor Carla. Only one there without a boy.
8. I remember crashing Jessie Reid's birthday party at Flip's to bring cookies to everyone, and then leaving and documenting the entire adventure on camera.
9. I remember voice lessons with Karen Stephens trying to get ready for Musical Productions auditions, and being scared out of my mind for weeks.
10. I remember Emi and Bronson studying with me the night before my grandma died, and the bouquet of flowers that made everyone jealous.
11. I remember being at a family dinner, and preparing for the funeral when the Musical Productions list was posted, and being so stressed over telling my mom that I didn't make it, on top of everything else.
12. AP World Test. First of way too many, and being so scared I wouldn't pass. I did. :)
13. Sleeping over at my grandpa's with Emi the night before we went boating with everyone, and talking about purple roses and unicorns and asians. Then Maddy being stressed the next day because we were late to the party.
14. My 16th birthday party, and Megan running into Candace's car in her driveway. My first date, and Megan, Jared, and Bronson singing to me over cupcakes and a camp fire.
15. The Junior Committee parade float, and the picture we took that is quite literally the epitome of summer.
16. I remember my first day of junior year, feeling like I finally knew what I was doing...then getting to calc and AP bio, and regretting everything.
17. Homecoming, both Viewmont's and Davis'. Joy Luck, and lighting the table on fire at Jorgen's. Tearing the sleeve of my dress, and being the only one in my Viewmont group in a non-neutral. Pictures, both times.
18. HALLOWEEN. Go big or go home, and Joe's editing of Taylor Swift in the car. Epic face paint.
19. Christmas, and the scavenger hunt Jackson sent me on to answer. Revenge is sweet?
20. New Year's. Helping at the Kaysville City party with Emi and Dallin, and then hanging out at Annie's. Most awkward experience of my life.
21. Going to see HP 6 Part I with Annie, Jared, Sam, Emileah and Jackson. The snowball fight in the parking lot after, and Jared freaking out that a girl was in the car.
22. Viewmont-Murray hockey game, and driving with Emi and Annie in the middle of a blizzard. The phone call with Bronson on the way home, and the texts later that made everything okay again.
23. Sleeping over at Emi's while my family was in Oregon. BYU basketball game, and escorting for Mr. Dart, with six other girls.
24. Anaheim with D-TV. Winning best in show for layout, meeting the Ling sisters, Disneyland, the Tower of Terror 12 times, and calling Emi the second she got home from prom.
25. Crashing Viewmont's prom, and trying so hard to keep it a secret from everyone. The look on Morgan's face when she saw us, and the way she almost started crying. Dancing until we were bruised, and Danny leading the mosh pit during Sandstorm. Dancing in the fountain, and awkwardly running into Mal and Bronson when they walked to their car. Going out at 2:30 a.m. because my parents wanted me to tell the boys to leave, since they were still talking in the driveway.
26. Kyle's 18th birthday, and the list we made on postits. Hiding with Emi and Braxton in the neighbor's driveway, and nerf wars in his circle.
27. Girls' State with my best friends, and rooming with 3 complete strangers. Discovering that I hate politics, and trying to figure out where on earth half the girls were from.
28. Ragnar. And running Ragnar hill/hell. Jumping in East Canyon when it was 42 degrees.
29. Lake Powell. No cell phone service for a week, and sleeping outside under the stars every single night. Coming home the day before my birthday, and having my best friends in my driveway the next night. And coming home to the AP results...failing AP Biology.
30. Relationship counseling sessions with Braxton and Spencer on my hammock.
31. Starting senior year, in a totally new position, and spending time with Davis friends. Homecoming with my best friend of 11 years, and the biggest group known to man. Seeing all the Viewmont kids while we were at dinner, and the conversations that ensued.
32. Halloween, Christmas, Sadie's. All with my friends and the largest groups in the world.
33. First prom, with my favorite ginger. Driving in the corvette and watching How to Train Your Dragon afterwards.
34. The stress of D-TV. Figuring out who did what, and finally settling into a rhythm, in April.
35. The relief of finishing my last AP test.

Chronologically speaking, those are the most prominent memories, but I could go on for days really. The real point is though, that high school is almost over; and we're leaving behind the most influential time of our lives. We're so close to the real world that we can almost taste it, and the future is close enough to touch.
It's going to be a long five days before we can say we're through, but it'll come faster than we expect. And then? We're off.

We don't owe anything to anyone.

Posts are more interesting with photo evidence. So here goes...again. 

D-TV is basically a party period now that all our broadcasts and parodies are done. So Cat and I (and Emi, she just wasn't in this picture) have contests to see who could fit the most pretzels in our mouths. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone. 

Wednesday, we had an assembly. The senior assembly, to be exact. Emi, Taylor Dayton, Becca Rose, Annie Tanner, Morgan Miller, Nate Johnson and I were the leads...and after our rehearsal that morning, we were all a little tired. That's Taylor, sleeping shirtless, in the green room. Yes, shirtless. 

As if an assembly and youth court weren't enough, my ward then went to the cannery for mutual. Why? To fill the largest order the cannery has ever received. (YOU'RE WELCOME SOUTH BENCH WARD.) Also, we learned that we'd look great as lunch ladies. Thursday didn't get photographed, but Davis played Brighton for the boys' soccer state finals game. We won, and there couldn't have been a more perfect ending for our last game as Darts. 

Last night was Senior Cotillion, and we figured it was only fitting to get ready one last time together. So while we curled, primped, and sprayed....

Hailee did this. She was hiding from Maddy, but then realized how comfortable it really was. So she stayed. All while discussing her love for a boy who shall remain nameless..

And finally? We attended our last dance. Cotillion is a "no-date" dance, so the three of us went with Randy. Zupa's for dinner, and dancing with just about everyone in the senior class--that we actually cared about. 

When the dance was over, and people were getting ready to leave, we noticed that all the "tools" were having major meltdowns in one corner. I guess they realized that the glory days of high school are over. And while we didn't cry and sob, it was a surreal experience. In less than 3 months, we'll be out on our own. It'll be pure chance if we see most of these kids again, and some of them we never will. The boys are leaving on missions, and the girls are going to get married. We're not growing up, we have grown up. And it's still weirding me out a little bit. 

But strangely enough, I think we're all ready. It's weird to think that we're finally where we are, but it happens to everyone. 

Besides, I'd rather be an Aggie any day. :) 

One day down.

I graduated from seminary today. (!!!!!!!!) One graduation done, one to go. Basically, I'm terrified/scared/nervous/stoked/amazed/excited to be graduating. Because for soo long, we all dream of graduating, of moving on; and now that it's here, I really don't know what to do. So as I sat on my driveway pondering life with one of my best friends, I started thinking about everything I've done/wanted to do/never accomplished.

-I wanted to be a photographer. I took photography classes sophomore year, and have mindlessly searched photography tips for hours on end. But I guess I don't have the patience, or something, because it never worked out. However, I have had the chance to do shoots with some fabulous photographers, and I hope I get to do some more soon.
-I wanted to be a class officer/SBO. Ran twice, but it never worked out. Looking back though, it's better that way. I had the opportunity to do so many other things that I wouldn't have been able to if I was busy being official. I did however, get to be part of the junior and senior class committees, which was basically the same thing without the jacket. I'd recommend it to anyone. :)
-I've always wanted to be a designer. I love clothes, color, and fashion, and I stalk websites and blogs continually. This year, I got to be part of the design board for the 2012 Prom Line at Kathleen's Bridal and Formal Wear in Kaysville. It was just a small realization of a silly dream, but it happened. And my prom dress was even more special since I got to help design it.
-I wanted to sing and dance on stage. I have an almost unhealthy obsession with Broadway, and I would have loved to be a part of that. But Musical Productions never worked out, and I haven't been able to find the time for any outside theater either. I have gained a better appreciation for the "arts" though, and I never miss a performance that my friends are in.
-I wanted to be on TV. Stupid, huh? But by participating in D-TV for the last 3 years, I had the chance to do just that every single week. Sure, it wasn't national television or even a local news network. But the people I was with everyday saw it, so it was kind of the same thing.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I've done just about everything I wanted to in the last three years. No, I'm not some world renowned photographer, and my voice will never sell millions of CDs. But I'm proud of who I am, and the things I've done. And? I'm more than a little excited for the future.

In a somewhat related side note, I may or may not be participating in the Miss Kaysville-Fruit Heights pageant. We'll see.

Oh dear, old Davis High.

Last year, Dallin posted on his FB page, "You know you go to Davis High when..." and these were the responses. They're still true, and almost embarrassing. But they had to be posted, especially with graduation so stinking close.

You know you go to Davis High when:

You either fear or love the Stoop.
You have gone swimming in Lake Fiesta.
You never go on dates...
You have successfully tripped up the stairs twice in the same day.
You look at advisories as a necessary evil, in that it kills time in class.
When you move to college and meet someone in your graduating class for the first time, because Snow Hall is almost entirely compromised of Davis High.
You've wasted a half hour of your life trying to find where the 2800 hall is.
You know its possible for a human being to be as wide as he is tall... aka Coach Dickson.
You're surrounded by Mormons.
You see five new people every day.
You never drink the pop in the vending machines, but are enraged when they're taken away from you.
You come in second in every sport.
‎*You're surrounded by white Mormons
An ACT score of 31 is disappointing....so is a GPA of 3.6.
You are disappointed when you graduate with only 30 credits towards college...
You happily yell "We're gonna beat the HECK out of you."
You know every move to the spirit dance, and participate in the "3rd down jump" as well as various other cheers.
It's a great day to be ashamed of your mascot
You defend the tradition...of being second best.
Random clapping in the commons is perfectly normal.
Dave Miller is not only your teacher, but your hero. [Insert also: Terri Hall, Pam Coburn, Wendy Dau, Kelly Oram, Corinne Barney, Scott Nielsen, etc.]
When every other school hates you...
When you park in the north parking lot and become a north-end-nobody.
You know what the Stoop, Club Chev, and South/North-ender means.
When people make an event for you to "true dart" 118+ girls.
Your teachers swear!
You're one of the 150+ kids who "crash" Viewmont's prom every year.
The most rebellious thing you did all year was get kicked out of Sadie's.
You break out in a cold sweat whenever you even hear the name Johnn T.
You PROUDLY wear colors that any other human being would shun. Especially on game-day Fridays, even when there's not a game.
You participate in Mandrin Fridays.
You've never been to an assembly.
When girls that aren't better than anyone Call themselves "The Tasties!"
Not once have you caught the first words of the pledge in 2nd period...but you never miss a time yelling "Brown and Gold! Brown and Gold! Brown and Gold!"
You were freaking out when you saw that Senor Borup could grow hair.
Girls ask to Halloween before Homecoming, Christmas before Halloween...and Prom was planned before Sadie's.
When the soccer coach is more of a high schooler than half the high schoolers....
When at a dance, people going to a corner and squating repeatedly doesn't even phase you.
When you get kicked out of an AP class if they don't think you'll get a 5....
Gary Taylor.
When your volleyball team has the best chance at winning state out of all your schools sports and has the least attendence.




[courtesy of Dallin Sterling Johnson's Facebook page. Copied from a much earlier blog post on a previous blog.]

What if I call you darling?

AP tests? Conquered. Compared to last year, they basically rocked. Because I despise science and don't particularly enjoy math--which should make you ask, "Then why in the heck did you take AP Biology and Calculus last year?" And to be quite honest, I have no idea. BUT. I redeemed myself by taking AP Art History and AP English Literature/Language this year. Loads better. I actually enjoy these subjects, and am interested in those fields. Novel idea, really. But either way, they're all over. Which means besides participation points, senior year is basically over too. 

Weird. 

I graduate in 15 very short days. How am I announcing this tidbit of information to the population of the free world that I actually care about? Oh, with these little beauties. I decided that I'd take my years of designing papers (and the fact that I had to do them myself because of mild to severe OCD) and make something that I liked. So here ya have it. No, they are not in my school colors, except for the gold "D." But even that's a stretch, since it's chosen directly out of the picture. I like 'em. Lemme know what you think. (ps. the photo was taken by Ashley Strassburger. you can visit her website here or look at her FB page here. She's great, really. And she shares my name. There's nothing better.) 

I have to finish my Financial Literacy packets ASAP if I want to graduate....no worries, I just need to focus....and I have a talk to write for seminary graduation. But frankly? I'm just reveling in the fact that for the next 92 days, I'm a free soul. And by free, I mean swimsuit wearing, hair-dye experimenting, summer loving, money making free soul. 

It's a glorious realization. 

Really though, who can say.

Everything is winding down, but I still feel like I have way too much on my plate. Between school, work, YW, youth court, and attempting to maintain some kind of social life while keeping up with my family, I have no time for anything...while still doing everything. It's puzzling, really.
I found a dress for cotillion, (it pays to have an uncle who is dating a girl who wears the same size as you do. WINNING.) but now I've gotta find some fantastic shoes to go with it.
I'm in the home stretch for AP classes, but now I've got to finish Financial Lit. and pass Fit for Life.
Life is a whole bunch of "this, but this," statements, and it's starting to drive me crazy. Welp.

In other news, I have to teach the combined YW lesson this Sunday on the importance of temple marriage and dating for the temple. Somehow, our Heavenly Father has these odd little ways of teaching you what you need to hear by making you prepare it for others. I also have to speak at seminary graduation about how seminary has impacted my testimony of the Savior. Needless to say, I'm a stressing out a little. The second my AP stuff is done, my scriptures are going to have to become my permanent sidekick.

I guess that's another point I need to make, and I'm going to make it in public. I'm moving out in roughly 90 days..which means I have 90 days to cement in my brain the importance of good habits. Scripture study, prayer, exercise, good food...you name it. I need to work on it. I'm so glad I'll be rooming with five girls who share the same standards I do, and who have the same priorities I do. But that doesn't change the fact that I need to work on it for myself. Starting May 17th, the number one goal is building healthy habits. Maybe I'll even document it. Who knows.

I told you I would, so I did.

As I mentioned earlier, this month is full of a whole bunch of "lasts." And really, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Maddy and I anchored our last D-TV broadcast last week, and I couldn't keep a straight face to save my life. Because the whole time we were filming, I couldn't get the mental picture of me anchoring for the first time out of my head. I was terrified to look at that little red dot on the camera, and know that the entire student body was going to see my face. Now? We fight, literally, for those anchor slots.
Then today, we filmed the senior sign-off. D-TV always signs of with the anchors names, and "and this...is D-TV." We've made more jokes about those three words, and said it any more accents than I care to count. It's ridiculous really. Back to the point. Today, we filmed every senior on staff putting in their last "I'm so-and-so," and crowded in front of the green screen for the last "...is D-TV."
Sitting on the arms of Braxton's chair, with Matt and Emi's arms around my shoulders, Maddy on Braxton's other side, and the rest of the staff crammed in behind us, we more more united in that split second than we ever have been before. Why?
You don't devote 3 years and 8 class periods to a class if you don't care. You don't stay at the school until 9 p.m. the night of the Homecoming football game if you don't want to make a deadline. You don't miss your junior prom for a journalism convention unless you want to win. And most importantly, you don't put your heart into something unless you are truly passionate about it. We know what we're doing. And we do it well.
In the grand scheme of things, D-TV is just another silly class, with just another bunch of kids, and another teacher that influenced me. But right now? It's a central part of our lives, Terri's room is a place we go to play, rather than work, and those cameras are our friends now.
I'm going to miss that room, and it will be harder than I want to admit to let someone else take over next year.
There aren't many kids can say they got to take first in newspaper design at the state competition, report in the 7th best student broadcast in the nation, or design one of the best newspapers in the country.

But I can.

Because this girl? Is part of D-TV.

All things go.

We graduate in 23 days. My cap and gown are hanging on my bedroom door, and my graduation announcements are being printed. I'm shipping for a dress for Senior Cotillion, and registered for my classes next fall. Scholarship acceptance letters have been sent in, and new leaders have been chosen for all the groups I'm in. Final banquets and awards ceremonies are happening, and orientation is starting for the new kids.


I'm freaking out.
Last weekend, there was a not-so-subtle shift in the directions my life was headed, and this week was a little shaky to say the least. But, everything happens for a reason, right? And we're all headed for bigger and better things, even of we can't see it at the moment.

With everything I've ever known coming to a close, we really are experiencing not only the beginning of the end, but the end of our beginning as well. In less than a month, we'll be out of a school system we've been in for 13 years, moving away from everyone we know, and starting fresh. I

So these last few weeks? I'm going to do what I want. How I want. When I want. Because this is the last chance we have to make a mark, and I intend to. Right now, all things go.

Simple enough.

Three terms down, and one to go. Words cannot even begin to express how excited I am to be out of high school. But at the same time, I'm ready to just have fun these last 10 weeks of school, because they really are our last shot at doing anything memorable.


Tomorrow is the Sterling Scholar final awards ceremony. I'm nervous, but I know I did my best and whatever happens, happens.

Thursday, we play Alta in lacrosse, and I have to miss it. Not a happy camper about that, but duty calls?
Friday, my best friend and I are hosting the Mr. Dart Pageant at Davis. It's basically the biggest joke of a fundraiser in the world, but it'll be fun. And it's my first Friday off work since October, so it better be an adventure of some sort.This picture came up on my Pinterest the other day, and I just liked the idea of it. I've never been one to say "no" to risks, and this summer is really the last time we have to be reckless and immature before we hit the real world. You can bet that I'll be doing a whole bunch of stuff for the first time, and checking things off my bucket list everyday. It'll all be documented as well, don't worry.

Tangent time. There's a tumblr that I follow that's called "Boys Who." So in YW a few weeks ago, we made our own lists of "Boys Who" qualities. It got me thinking about the little things, rather than the bread-and-butter answers that we give in Sunday School. What do I really want in a boyfriend/husband/best friend?

I want a boy who will play with my hair, and give me advice on what to wear. A boy who will tease me relentlessly, and then make it up to me. I want a boy who is plenty taller than me, and has to pick me up to hug me. A boy who will make me feel better when I'm sick, and who knows my favorite foods better than I do. I want a boy who isn't afraid to show me off, and who will write me letters like "The Wednesday Letters." I want a boy who is good with kids, and who's family makes me feel like a part of theirs. A boy who will be honest with me, and will play immature games with me. I want a boy who can hold his own in an argument, and knows his material. A boy who is athletic (preferably hockey playing,) and will make me laugh. I want a boy who is intelligent, and can help me study. A boy who dresses well, and can give me advice on whatever I may need. I want a boy who will give me an honest opinion on something, and lets me come to their games. A boy who will share his jackets with me, and let me control the music in the car. I want a boy who can cook, and will listen to my mindless ramblings.

Really, all I want is someone who knows me. And who loves me.

My hero? She's the last real dreamer I know.

-----DISCLAIMER: this may be a really emotional post, and contains religious-speak.-----

Today in seminary, there was a quote on the board that said something along the lines of: you should live your life in such a way that your unborn children would have no reason to ask where you went wrong.

Then a boy, (who I happen to have a massive crush on, it's fine.) mentioned that he tried to live his life so that his grandma, who had passed away recently, would look down on him and be proud.

The more I thought about it, the more I agreed. My grandma truly was the most amazing person in the world, and everyday she inspires me to be better. Because of her example, I know what kind of mother I want to be.

Because of her, I also know how it feels to hurt like I never have before. She's been gone for almost two years now, and there's not a single day that goes by that I don't physically ache to know I don't know how long it will be until I see her again. It's hard to face everyday knowing that one of the people you loved most, and one who loved you most, isn't there to congratulate you, give you a hug, or roll their eyes at you.
She won't see me on my wedding day, or hold my babies at their blessings. She won't be there when I graduate from high school, and will never see me leave for a dance. She'll won't know my friends, or be able to tell me about when she was young. I'll won' have anyone to call "Grandma."

But because of my beliefs, I know I will see her again. I know she will know my children, and be able to hold me again like she used to.

It's hard to face everyday without her, and I don't think it will ever stop hurting. But because of her example, I know I can do it, and I know that us Bell girls are stronger than we know.

Aimer et etre aime.

Love and be loved.

Easier said then done, right?

Especially when it's something you want...but you have a hard time pursuing it.

Let me elaborate.

Your past has a way of effecting the way you look at things in the future.

Sometimes, you lose something, and that makes you feel incapable of finding something like that again. Even when it's staring you right in the face.

You feel...not unworthy, but undeserving (?) of feeling that way again, and you can't give in to what's right there.

I have no problem loving others. [There's only one person in this entire world that I hate. But more on that later.] I love people, love getting to know people, and constantly surround myself with people.

But letting people get close is another story. I have a huge group of friends, but very few of them do I trust with everything and know everything about me. And I'm okay with that.

Oh well. Everything works itself out in time, right?

I have a board on Pinterest that's entirely full of quotes, and I'm only partially obsessed with a majority of them. My favorites?

Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes...because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones that do.

Every girl deserves someone to remind her that she's beautiful.

People will always stare. Make it worth their while.

Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain. But you can't make a rainbow, without a little rain.

So this is my life. I want you to know that I'm both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

Remember kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.

Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.

We all tried to grow up too fast.

Life is moving at a scary pace, and I don't know how-or if I want to even try-to slow it down.

I remember when I was little, watching all the 17 and 18 year old kids attend farewells in my ward and thinking, "That will never be me. That's so far away."

I remember watching my neighbors go on dates, get married, have kids, etc; and thinking, "I'm never going to grow up."

I remember saying goodbye to my uncle Andy the night before he moved up to college, and thinking, "Someday, I want to be there too. But I'll never be old enough."

And now?

I'm the one attending the farewells, and waiting in anticipation as my best friends start getting their mission calls.

I'm the one going on dates, watching my friends get married, and attending way too many bridal showers.

I'm the one moving out, and watching my siblings ask, "When can I go too?"

I love the fact that I made it this far, and I love the fact that I'm getting ready to fend for myself.

It's weird to think that I'll be on my own in less than 9 months, making my own decisions, cooking my own meals, and living my own life. It's weird to think that I'm "grown up."

Sometimes, I miss the ease of childhood. The wonder of being little. The awe of life.

Now though, I appreciate it that much more; and really,

I think I'm ready.

A work in progress

Isn't that what life is when it all comes down to it?

Sometimes, I think my life especially is continually being changed, upgraded, and "re-programmed," in a sense.

Making it bigger, better, and so much more enjoyable.

But who am I? And where exactly am I going? Let me tell you.

I am a seventeen year old girl who loves to laugh.

I socialize more than is probably good, and I have a tendency to talk too much.

I love little kids, sparkles, Audrey Hepburn, and the word "hope."

I want to be a broadcast journalist or an elementary school teacher someday,

And next year I'll be up at Utah State working on those dreams.

I have an unnatural love for hockey, lacrosse, and all things vintage.

I post quotes like some people eat cookies.

My life revolves around my family, the Church, and the idea of forever.

My friends make my world go round, books make everything okay.

Chinese food and sushi make me smile even when it is 10 degrees outside,

And I enjoy getting to know new people.

This site here is a catalog of my dreams (and some nightmares), random facts,

more music than you can probably handle, hopefully more than a few pictures, and a snapshot of

life.

Enjoy it. I sure do.