The reasons why.

It's the season of gratitude, and I have so much to be grateful for (50 things in this post to be exact). So settle down for a long one. 

50. My heated blanket: because when I woke up this morning and the heat had been turned down below 50 degrees, I could turn it up, and climb back into bed until it warmed up. 

49. Emilie Anne Facer: because everybody needs a twin sister who sticks it out through all the stupid decisions, crazy weekends, and missionary meltdowns. 

48. The Book of Mormon: because after a 23 hour day of school, work, meetings, and friends, the scriptures put everything back into perspective and help me refocus my life. 

47. Judith Anne Roche: because she had a pretty good reason to pretend like I didn't exist, and let me have a second chance instead. Because at 1 am when I'm approaching meltdown point, she understands me and knows exactly what to say. Because she understands me. #yousneakymom

46. Utah State University: because becoming an Aggie is the best decision I ever made, and I can't even begin to describe how much I love my school. I'll bleed blue til the end of time. 

45. Leggings: because sometimes pants are just way too much effort. 

44. Lauren Adamson: because she's lived with me for over a year now and still puts up with my quirks. She listens to me rant, complain, and talk her ear off, and makes me laugh on a daily basis. Because she's a constant example to me of what I want to become. 

43. The post office in the TSC: because when I'm an awful person and forget to write that missionary of mine, the two old men that work there are always curious about how "my friend in Michigan" is doing and if he's been writing me back. 

42. Dr. Pepper: because nothing puts me in a better mood faster or cures the migraines that seem to attack every five seconds.

41. Mary Alayna Lindberg: because she's the reason I try to be the best I can every day. Because she makes me laugh like nobody else can. Because she's my best friend. 

40. My car: because sometimes I just need to leave, get out. 

39. Emily Breanne Elliott: because she taught me how fast an irreplaceable friendship can be made, and tests my patience like nobody else. Because even in Paris, she knows what I need. 

38. Professor Smitten: because a compliment from him is worth a million dollars, and the desire for one of those compliments pushes me harder and further than I've ever been. 

37. Morgan Elizabeth Coles: because she's been there since 8th grade and knows my fears and dreams better than anyone else. Because I know that even when we go months without seeing each other, we can pick right back up where we left off. 

36. Hockey: because it introduced me to some of the best people in my life. Because it gave me an excuse to go somewhere on a Wednesday night. Because it makes me feel like my best friend isn't quite so far away. 

35. My parents: because I wouldn't be here without them. Because they support me in everything I do. Because they made me the person I am today. 

34. Fine-tip ball-point pens: because I don't have room in my schedule for medium-tip, and it's the little things that make me happy. 

33. Braxton Moon: because nobody else can say that they've stuck around for six years. Because he's the only constant in my world full of change. Because he shares his hoodies, gummy bears, and happy hippos with me.

32. My major: because there's nothing else in the world that I love more than words, books, and talking. 

31. Trent Morrison: because he listens to my endless whining, goes shopping with me, and not only understands, but exceeds my love for Beyonce. Because he's a good cuddle buddy, and an even better friend. 

30. Glitter: because it's hard to be sad when you're sparkly. 

29. Ashley Allen: because she's the big sister I've always wanted and finally have. Because she gives me advice that no one else can. Because we're the same person, in so many ways it's terrifying. 

28. Coldstone: because red velvet ice cream can solve any problem in the world. Because ice cream is one thing that brings me and Jon Downing closer than anything else. 

27. Bronson Kunzler: because nobody makes me feel more loved, important, or special like he does. Because he knows everything about me and still thinks I'm incredible. Because he's the boy who has a majority of my heart. 

26. Kappa Delta: because a girl can never have too many sisters. 

25. My bed: because nothing feels better than a dozen pillows, blankets and my giraffe after an exhausting day. 

24. The Snitches of 102: because I wouldn't have survived my first year of college without them. Because they're my best friends, and the ones I would do anything for. 

23. Farmington, Utah: because regardless of where I live, nowhere brings me as much comfort, happiness, and nostalgia as Farmington's Main Street. 

22. These boys: because they've put up with me for five months and still make me laugh harder than anybody else. Because even though they drive me absolutely crazy, they're the best boys I know. 

21.  Country music: because Luke has my heart, Carrie understands, and Miranda tells it like it is. 

20. My Soarority girls: because they made this summer unforgettable and keep me sane. Because they're the best friends a girl could ask for. 

19. My planner: because there's no other way to keep track of my psychotic life. 

18. The Kunzler's: because they let me steal Bronson far too often. Because they let me in on their game nights. Because they're some of the most Christlike, selfless people I know and I'm blessed to have their family play such a huge part in my life. 

17. The piano: because when you can't leave the house and need to escape, nothing works better than Cristofori's Dream.

16. Hailee Jane Henson: because she understands my loathing of cancer. Because she inspires me to be a better person. Because she's the best example I've ever had. 

15. Hair-dye: because when you need a change but can't do a whole lot, it gives me a new start and a renewed sense of confidence. 

14. My cousins: because they're 30+ little minions who love me unconditionally. Because they give me a reason to be a good example. Because they cure me of my baby-hunger. 

13. A-Team: because it gave me the best summer job I'll ever have. Because I made 45 friends I wouldn't have made anywhere else. Because it made my summer unforgettable. 

12. My little brother: because he likes the same music I do and shares my love for In-n-Out shakes. Because he lets me beat him up....not. Because he makes me laugh. 

11. Sigma Phi Epsilon: because those boys have given me some of the greatest boys I've ever known. Whether it's Derek running to Hobby Lobby with me, Dusty dancing while I do my homework, Trevor going to dinner with me in his pajamas, Kurt giving me life advice, Zack finding me new music, Brady giving me a compliment, Kendall hacking my computer, or Matt experiencing Pumpkin Spice Lattes for the first time, these boys provide me with daily entertainment and friendships that I value more than I can express. Because I'd do anything for them and am blessed to call them friends. 

10. Marley McClune: because she accompanied me on a thousand adventures this summer and understands my soft drink addiction.

9. The temple: because it's given me the most important goal in my life and allowed me to have an eternal family. Because there's nothing more important to me than getting there someday with the boy I love, and the lessons we learn there are the most important knowledge I'll ever have. 

8. Liz Rumball: because she reminds me to wear my shoes, eat on a regular basis, and do my homework. Because at 2 am, she's the one I'm talking to in my car. Because she'll drop anything and everything to help me out. 

7. My oldest little sister: because she makes me food and watches movies with me. Because she shops with me even when she doesn't want to. Because she does everything with me and is my first best friend. 

6. My Viewmont boys: because high school was different because of them. Because they're my favorite dates, pen pals, and missionaries. Because they've changed my life--and continue to do so every day. 

5. Home: because whether it's Logan, Farmington, Kaysville, or anywhere with my best friends, I love the memories that accompany each place. 

4. My grandma: because she's my biggest hero and the greatest example I'll ever have. 

3. The priesthood: because whether it's a bishop's advice, a father's blessing, or my patriarchal blessing, I know what I'm hearing is coming from my Father in Heaven. 

2. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: because it makes sense when nothing else does. Because it never changes and is the sure foundation I need. Because it continually changes my life and allows me to serve in ways otherwise impossible. Because it's the only true church, and everything I need. 

1. My life: because as crazy and chaotic as it seems at times, I truly love every single aspect of it. Because I'm grateful for everything I get to do, the experiences I have, and the people I'm surrounded by. 

I'm a lucky girl, and I am very, very, blessed. 

Just like you.

When it comes to my mom, I think Abraham Lincoln said it best: 

"All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." 

I may be my father's daughter, but I'm just like my mom. 

We look alike, we talk alike, and we love the same things. 

It took me a long time to realize how much I needed her--18 years, actually. 

I used to laugh when my aunts would call my grandma dozens of times, every single day. 

Now, my siblings probably make fun of me for doing the same thing. 

She's basically both of the angels on my shoulders. 

She knows exactly what I need to hear, and helps me decide what to do--whether I agree with it or not. 

She's the one telling me to try whatever it is I'm debating; and she's the one telling me to wear longer dresses and different shirts. 

She's the one keeping my head screwed on straight when I want to strangle a friend/roommate/boy/coworker/sibling, and the one that constantly offers support and input in everything I do. 

She gets my obsession Audrey Hepburn and Michael Buble, and understands my love for the heel of the bread loaf. 

She's the reason I love music, Broadway, and baking cupcakes.

She makes my favorite foods (sometimes even lets me get away with not drinking my milk), and makes sure I'm getting enough sleep. 

She never questions my decisions, but she's always there to offer help when the decisions I make aren't exactly the best. 

She knows how I feel about being ignored by people I care about, and continually feeds the army of people I always seem to bring home with me. 

But most importantly, she gets me. 

She didn't question me when I wanted to fly to a national convention in Anaheim, or when I decided to play lacrosse two days after the season started. She didn't discourage me when I applied for A-Team, a job neither of us knew nothing about, and she doesn't try and talk me out of the various adventures I tell her I want to go on. 

She makes a point to get to know all of my friends and then takes care of them like they're another one of my siblings.
In the face of many family issues the last few years, she's made a special effort to make everything easier for the rest of us: helping us build relationships to replace family members who have abandoned us, emphasized the doctrine of eternal families after my grandma passed away, and making an effort to teach us the importance of not holding grudges, Christ-like service, and learning to forgive. My mom's testimony has been a vital part of the last decade of my life, and I don't know where I'd be without it.
I don't know where I'd be without her, either. 

She's ambitious, dedicated, and passionate. She's patient, honest, and caring. 

And someday, if I can be half the mom that she is, I'll know I've done something right. 

Happy Birthday, Mom. :) 

Your little girl.

It's my Dad's birthday today. 

That means the world has been a better place for 43 years. 

Those of you who know my dad know exactly what I mean when I say my dad is amazing. 

He knows just about everything, and what he doesn't know, he figures out. 

He knows how to tune a bike like a pro, and smokes some of the best BBQ I've ever had. 

He's the best sports photographer our athletic teams ever hired, and I have him to thank for my blonde hair and green eyes. 

He's the first person I call when I have a question, I'm in trouble, or I don't know what to do. 

He's the one I think about when I'm making a big decision, and who I aim to please in everything I do. 

He's the perfect example of the kind of man I want to marry. 

Smart, loyal, funny, spiritual. Organized, dedicated, family oriented, supportive. 

I've been out of the house for a year now, and I see more of him in myself every day.

He's the reason I've always tried my hardest in school (well that, and a little exterior motivation called a cell phone). 

He's the reason I've run across the across the Wasatch Front for one weekend every year. 

He's the reason I can out-eat most boys in ribs and brisket. 

He's the reason I love John Grisham, Vince Flynn, Robert McCammon, and Lincoln & Child.

He's the reason I cry, all the freaking time. He's the biggest cry baby I know (and I'll probably get in trouble for saying that). 

He's the reason I love Chocolate English Toffee ice cream, football, and Utah State. 

But most importantly? He's the reason I'm here. 

My friends all love my dad; like almost obsessively. 

Everybody wants to be Russ's best friend. 

I don't even want to count the number of times Dallin's made me make sure to tell my dad that he loves him, how many times I've had boys show up at my house just wanting to hang out with my dad, and one time, I even got mad at my dad for texting at the dinner table....only to find out he was talking to Spencer. 

He's the best; and everyone is very aware of that fact. 

I'm incredibly lucky to have such an amazing example in my life. My dad's family is a little...psycho. And he has every reason in the world to be bitter about it. But for the last 10 years, he's used the situation to teach us kids about forgiveness, and accepting what we can't change. He's the perfect example of service: whether he's installing radar detectors in our neighbors cars, smoking loads of pulled pork for other people's family BBQ's, or taking dance pictures for yet another group of high schoolers, he does it without question. My dad has an amazing testimony--and he lives it everyday. 

He'll always be the first man I ever loved, and I'll always be a daddy's girl. That's just how life goes. 

The moral of the story is, I absolutely adore my dad, for a million different reasons. But the number one reason I love him? He lets me be me. He supports me in whatever I do. 

Jim Valvano said it best: "My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me." And for that? I owe him everything I have been, am, and want to become. 

Happy Birthday, Dad. I love you. :) 

I'll always be.

I've got an incredible Dad. Honestly, I don't know how I got so lucky. As the oldest (and probably the loudest and most high maintenance) of six kids, I'm the guinea pig child--and I'm sure it hasn't always been easy. But my Dad is a winner, and he's taught me more than I think he realizes. 

When I came home from the hospital as a newborn, my parents lived in the little brown house next to Pineview Apartments in Logan. My parents both tell a story about how he took me outside to "talk to the sun" the first day I was home. From the very beginning, my dad taught me to love the sunshine--and that hasn't changed one bit. 

When my Grandma had my aunt Maddy, I was about a year and a half old. My mom went home to help my grandma, and my dad stayed and took care of me. There's a picture of me in the hallway of our apartment with my hair ratted to high heaven in a baby bouffant, all thanks to my dad. Since I was little, my dad has taught me the importance of dressing nicely, and making sure my hair looks great. ;) 

As I've grown up, I've done multiple sports and extracurricular activities, and my dad is always supporting me in those. He was in my first ballet class in Texas when I peed my pants all over the studio floor [can't believe I'm admitting that...]. He was there when I played on my first soccer team, and he even ended up coaching it. He was there during all my dance recitals, gymnastic competitions, and every performance in between. He was in the audience when we were sworn in as judges for the Kaysville City Youth Court. He came to my lacrosse games and became the team photographer, even though the sport was completely foreign to everybody else. He came to all my award ceremonies, team banquets, and drove D-TV to the airport at 4 am my junior year. And when I wanted to run Ragnar for the first time? He got us both a spot on the team, and ran it with me. 

My dad is brilliant. He always has the answer to every question I have, and on the small chance he doesn't know, I know he'll have it shortly. He's taught me how to jump my car battery, change a tire, and detail cars and bikes like nobody else. He may tease me all day every day, but he cares more about what I'm doing, who I'm with, and where I'm going than anybody else. It used to bug me that my friends liked my parents so much, and the crushes they seem to have on my mom and dad used to drive me insane. Now though, I completely understand it. I was ridiculously lucky to be put in a family with the parents that I have. 

My dad is an incredible example. He's never afraid to try something new, or help someone out. And he's taught me more about myself than anybody or anything else. Last Father's Day we had just completed our third Ragnar Relay, and he sent me an email that taught me not only about running up that stupid hill, but also about who I was because of who he is. The email ended with this, a thought that I've used to motivate me through basically everything since then.

"...Such is the rest of your life.  What you now know about yourself is not about running. It is about YOU.  You now know that if you want to do it, you will do it.  If you start it you will finish.  It might hurt, but you will never quit or give up, because that just isn't who you are."

 Because of my dad, I know I can do anything--which is plenty of encouragement by itself. But I also know that no matter what I do, he's going to help me finish: and that means more than anything else.

As a girl, my dad has always been a huge part of my life--and he'll always be the first man I ever truly loved. He's one of my biggest heroes, and the perfect example of the kind of guy I want to marry. Someone who puts family first, and works hard. Someone who loves the gospel, and helps others without question. Someone who is supportive, and funny, and intelligent. And most of all, someone who loves me for who I am. 

Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you. :) 

All I could ask for.

I just want all the mothers in my life to know how thankful I am for all of them. I'm grateful for all of my aunts that have spoiled me and loved me like their own daughter since the second my mom brought me home from the hospital. I'm grateful for the mom's in my ward that have been my primary teachers and YW leaders. I'm grateful for my roommates mom's for giving me the five best friends a girl could ask for, and for giving me such good examples to look up to. I'm grateful for the mom's of the boys I hang out with (especially Bronson, Jackson, Jon, Sam, and Dallin's mothers) for raising the boys I love more than just about anything and for teaching them how to treat girls. I'm grateful for a grandma that was the perfect mom to my mother, and for my Grandma Jo who's stepped in and been an excellent mom and grandma to us since my Grandma passed away.
I'm so grateful for all of them, but I wouldn't be here without my mom (and I'm not just talking literally).
For as long as I can remember, I've heard things like:
"You look just like your mom!" 

"I can never tell you and your mom apart on the phone." 

"You and your mom are so alike."
Things like this used to drive me absolutely crazy. I didn't sound anything like her! I sounded like a 16-year old. Not a mom. I didn't look anything like her! I was blonde. We weren't alike! I can't sing like her. Or invent cake flavors (or cook at all really). We're so different. 

Now though, I can see the truth in those compliments. I do look just like her. I've got her curly hair, and her eyes. Even though I look an awful lot like my dad too, I've definitely got a significant amount of Bell genes. I do sound just like my mom. Not even just literally, but figuratively too. My voice sounds more and more like hers everyday...and sometimes, I find myself saying things I've heard her say. I never knew what people meant when they said "I always said I'd never do [insert some behavior or habit here] like my mom does...but I find myself doing it everyday." I'll fold laundry a certain way or frost a cupcake a different way just because I've watched her do it that way. And we're a lot more similar than I thought we were. I hate making left turns almost as much as she does. We're both incredibly stubborn and independent, but I think we both rely on others more than we admit. We both love music, and I've found that she appreciates my music a lot more than most parents would, and we both get excited when we find a new song. 

I've always had people tell me how lucky I was to have the parents I do, but I think it took moving away from home to fully realize how incredibly lucky I am. 

My mom supports me in EVERYTHING I do. And by everything, I mean every single thing I do. From yet another crazy hair-dye adventure (not many mothers are okay with their daughter coming home with purple hair...then red hair....and then who knows what) to an hour long drive just to grab a snowboard before heading right back. From helping me out with yet another campaign skit to driving out to who knows where to watch a lacrosse game. 

I have yet to make a drive to Logan without getting a call exactly an hour and five minutes after I leave, making sure I was home safe; and she waits up for me the weekends I drive home after a late night shift at work. She makes my favorite meals, and there's always guacamole and orange juice waiting in the fridge when I get home. When I ask, "Should I do [insert crazy, sometimes responsible, and always adventurous thing here]?" the answer is always, "You'd be great at it. Go for it." 

She loves Maroon 5, Sara Bareilles, Kate Voegele, P!nk, and Train almost as much as I do--and she'll even listen to Lady Gaga and Fall Out Boy with me. We're both slightly in love with Josh Groban, Michael Buble, and Alfie Boe--and neither of us are ashamed to admit it. 

My mom answers all of my phone calls--or at least calls back really fast--and answers all my questions.

My mom makes me laugh, and I think this picture proves to everyone where I got my ability to pull some strange faces from. 

She laughs at my jokes, and listens to dozens of new stories every time I come home. Even though she rolls her eyes at me when I say I'm going shopping, yet again, she trusts me enough to dress all my little sisters for family pictures, and doesn't complain about what I wear. [Although she has remarked that the increase of floral pants in my wardrobe is "interesting."] She helps me move in to my apartments, and calls to check on me just when I'm about ready to lose my mind. She cares--enough that I'm not worried about being alone, but not enough to drive me crazy. 

You can tell me over and over how your mom is the best, but I'll kindly disagree. 

I'm so grateful I have a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to give me parents that are as wonderful as mine. I'm so grateful for my mom and all she does for me, and I can honestly say I wouldn't be who I am without her. She's one of my best friends, and I'm so glad people say that I remind them of her. 

If I can be half the woman and mother she is, I'd be the happiest person on the planet. 

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you. 

You learn something new.

From work:

There are three reasons Americans are overweight: ranch dressing, french fries, and syrup.
We have a different favorite pie depending on the night...if a pie isn't cut and ready to serve, we won't recommend it. Easy as that. 

You can be the cutest boy I've seen in Logan, but if you don't tip well? There's no hope. 

If you come in with a party bigger than 10 people, there is a good chance I hate you. 

There are very few words that make me happier than "You're cut," and few words that make me angrier than "We're just getting pie."
We remember how well you tip, and will serve you accordingly. [We're shallow like that, sometimes.]
If you come in 20 minutes before we close and order a full meal, chances are that we definitely hate you.
The customer is always right. Even when they're wrong...they're right.

From my roommates: 

Ethnic hair products should never be used on a white girl's hair. 

Don't overfeed your fish. 

Mason jars are terrifying. 

There's no problem in life that Pringles or Ben & Jerry's [or both] can't solve. 

Toaster Strudels are a nutritious part of this complete breakfast.
No one loves their mailbox more than Snow 102.
There is absolutely nothing irrational about making a cake at 3 am, eating multiple paninis in one day, doing laundry at one o'clock in the morning,  or watching Phantom of the Opera three times in 24 hours.
"It's finals week" is the perfect rationale for any food purchase.
We will go to great lengths to get to Taco Tuesday.
Missionary letters are better than 42 Dr. Peppers.

From being in college:
Creative Arts is the most pointless class in the history of college classes.
High school journalism classes are VERY different from college journalism classes.
The 12:00 Aggie Shuttle can explode your personal bubble in .3 seconds.
BlueZone is never reliable.
The words "FREE FOOD" will get most college students to do just about anything. [Actually, free anything makes us pretty happy campers.]
It's easier to wait a week to do laundry when you go home than to pay $2.25 at the Lundstrom.
I thought I was a decent cook. College has taught me otherwise.
Finals Week is nothing like AP Week, regardless of what your teachers tell you. Unless AP week suddenly involves 3 am McDonald's runs for yet another caffeinated drink, 12 hour days in the library, and enough popcorn to fill a small house, then no. They're nothing alike.
My parents know a lot more than I thought, and I need them a lot more than I thought I would. On the same note, my siblings aren't quite as obnoxious as I thought they were.
PDA is much more prominent on a college campus.
Being an adult isn't as much fun as we thought it would be when we were little.
College social life usually starts about the time I had to be home to make curfew in high school.
And last, but definitely not least, Utah State is the best place on the freaking planet. 

Back to basics.

This morning, I found out that one of my friends had lost his mom. No one wants to get that news, and it was a complete shock to all of us. 

I never knew Andrew's mom, but I know Andrew really well. He's one of the funniest people I know, and he always has a smile on his face. Andrew is truly brilliant, and he's always up to talk. He keeps me company during missionary farewells, and his spontaneous karaoke performances never cease to entertain us all. And when I heard that his mom had passed away, my heart broke. 

Losing someone you love is the hardest thing in the world; and nothing will ever make it okay. 

Today has been a simple reminder to me that I need to be more grateful for my family, and for the knowledge I have that I can be with them forever. I'm so grateful for this gospel and for the comfort it brings to me every day. 

I know that nothing we say can make the hurt go away when someone loses a loved one. But I hope that our knowledge of eternal families can bring peace. 

Give your friends and family an extra hug today, and tell your mom you love her. And pray for the Hough family. 

We love you, Andrew.

I love love.

It's Valentine's Day! Probably one of my favorite holidays in the whole world...I mean what girl doesn't love flowers and chocolate and the words "I love you"? No one sane, that's for sure. 

Valentine's Day isn't just about being in love, it's about love in general. 

My favorite kinds of love?
The way my mom makes my favorite food when I get home, or finishes my laundry for me. How she buys a carton of orange juice for me to take back up to school because she knows how much I love it. How she doesn't argue when I drive home from Logan just to pick up my snowboard and a few other things, and just tells me to make sure I drive safe. 

The way it feels to get a sincere compliment from complete stranger.

The way my dad sends me emails out of the blue that always say exactly what I need to hear. How he texts me before he goes to bed just to make sure I had a good day. How he spends hours making sure my car works okay, or doesn't laugh when Ryan and I head to In-n-Out at midnight....again. 

The way it feels when you listen to your favorite song, watch your favorite movie, or read your favorite book. 

The way Hailee drives from Bountiful to spend the night with Emi and I and stays up way too late talking to me, and making sure I'm alright. The way she listens to all my irrational fears, and then offers a rational alternative and sound advice. The way she gives me music suggestions not because she knows I love music, but because she knows how much I love the lyrics. 

The way it feels to find a scripture that answers the question you've had in your head all day. 

The way Bronson snowboards with me all day, and even though he could be with Jackson and Jared and Jon and Paige, he stays with me and doesn't laugh (too hard) when I spend most of the time on my face. How every May 5th for three years, I've had a bouquet of flowers delivered from him, because he knows it's a rough day and how much I love flowers. How he comes to ColdStone with me and Jon even though he hates ice cream. 

The way it feels to fill a whole page in your journal with your favorite memories. 

The way my little sisters yell my name when I come home, and how Mary begs to have a sleepover with me every single night. How they fight over who gets to run errands with me, and who gets to go through the bank drive thru and get suckers. 

The way it feels to get a hug from someone you've been missing. 

The way Jon looks out for me like a big brother. How he fixes my car (far too often), and takes me out for ice cream when I need a break. How he and Bryan take me to lunch with them. How he's letting me and Lauren dye his hair to cease our boredom. How he offers to drive me home and makes sure I get home safe wherever I go. 

The way it feels to get a really big tip on a long night at work. 

The way Emi can make me laugh at three in the morning with another off-the-wall comment. How she gets my love for unattainable movie stars and band members. How she's always up to shop with me or make me egg-drop soup. How she finishes my sentences and can choreograph a dance to Stronger spur of the moment. 

The way it feels to wrap up in your favorite blanket and watch TLC. 

The way my roommates and I have dance parties at 1 in the morning to Stronger and 22, and how much we rely on each other for everything. How they have a Dr. Pepper waiting for me at the end of a long day. How they listen to my stories and don't judge me when I start crying for no apparent reason. 

The way it feels to drive around in the middle of the night with your best friend. 

Love, in all forms, is wonderful. I love my friends. My family. The gospel. My life.

"Be in love with your life. Every minute of it." -Jack Kerouac

I am. 

Happy Valentine's Day from Snow 102 [and Dallin of course]! Have a lovely day! 

A touchy subject.

[DISCLAIMER: This post may be slightly pointless and not really help anybody out there--not that any of mine do, really--but I needed to talk, and that's what this blog is for. Read at your own risk, I guess?]

From the time we're little, we're taught to put ourselves in a good environment, with people that uplift and support us, and make us better people. I have been very very blessed in this respect, and I am very aware of how lucky I am. 

I have parents that support me in everything I do, whether it's another crazy hair-dye job, a confusing class schedule, or a spur of the moment trip home just to grab a snowboard. They never question me, and always make sure I'm aware that I can make decisions by myself and that they'll support me in everything I do. 

I have five younger siblings who look up to me, and make me a better person everyday. Brittany pushes me to do my best, Ryan looks to me for music suggestions, Emily asks for book recommendations, and Aubrey and Mary would follow me anywhere I ask them to go (as long as they got  Zupa's or Dum-Dums out of the deal.) 

My five roommates listen to every complaint I have about anything, and always have advice for me. They wait up for me from work, even on my crazy weekend shifts, and never fail to make me smile on a hard day. 

I have the three best boy-friends a girl could ever ask for. They change my tires, buy me ice cream, and stop by for random visits to make sure I'm doing okay. 

Add these to the many, many, many other people in my life that keep me sane, make me smile, and never cease to make me try harder, and you can guarantee that I'm a very lucky girl. 

That said, I have also been....blessed...with some people in my life that serve mainly as trials. Long story short, it's been nearly ten years since I had any kind of face-to-face communication with one set of my grandparents, and the aunts, uncles, and cousins involved on that side. Other than random, completely coincidental (or accidental, you could say) interactions, there has been nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. 

It's not fun to grow up without grandparents. [Don't get me wrong, my other grandparents are angels. Literally, the best people alive.] Picture this: you're nine years old, and suddenly, there's no contact with one set of grandparents. Then, you're fifteen, and you're grandma passes away. It physically hurt every day to know that I didn't have a full set of grandparents out there, and that the one grandma you did have left was gone. Then, try explaining that to a three-year-old and a five-year-old. It doesn't work. 

Thankfully, my grandpa found Jo, and the position of grandma has been filled--and I can't express how grateful I am for that. 

But, it still hurts. To know that less than five miles away from my apartment, I have a set of grandparents that haven't had contact with my family in almost a decade. This year, they will have missed more birthday's than they've made. They missed my first date, my first dance, and my first day of high school. They missed me crossing the finish line for my third Ragnar, walking across the stage for my high school graduation, and didn't hear me speak at Seminary graduation. They'll miss my wedding. My kids. And so many other milestones that I can't even begin to count. 

For a long time, I was really bitter about the situation, to the point that I was angry and mad at them for everything they missed. But now, through lots of talking it out, and tons of time spent on my knees asking for any way to be even mildly OK with the situation, I've come to terms with it. It still hurts, but I've moved on. 

So imagine my surprise today, when taking a table's order, I look up and see my aunt. The one whom I haven't spoken to since I was ten years old. After informing my manager that I needed to call my parents, PRONTO, I took their advice and said hello. 

"I don't know if you recognize me..."
"I do. You're Ashley." 

"Well, uhhh, it's been a long time. It's nice to see you!" 

"Yeah, good to see you." 

And that was that. Even as I walked away, I knew that nothing was going to change because I'd said hello. But for the first time in years, I was content that I'd done what I needed to, and there was nothing else I could have done. Because family isn't just the people who you share a gene pool with, or the people who have the same blood as you do. 

They're the people you call at 3 a.m. because you can't sleep. The ones that know you well enough to know you're not OK even though you say you are. The ones that cook your favorite meals when you come home, or have a carton of orange juice for you to take back up to school with you. The ones who spend hours fixing your car...and aren't too mad when it still doesn't work. The ones who can make you laugh when you don't even want to smile. The ones who would do anything for you, and you'd do exactly the same. 

And in those terms? My family is huge. And I'm so lucky. 

Someday's on it's way.

I love February. Mainly because it's the month of love...and I love love, every kind of it. The way I love my best friends, the boys in my life, my family, my sisters, my neighbors, the Gospel, A-Team, Katy Perry, and my job. It's mind-blowing how complex the heart is, and how incredibly simple it is at the same time.  Needless to say, I love cheesy valentines, flowers, and lots of chocolate.

It's no secret that I'm a rather loud individual. I'm not very good at keeping things to myself, and subtlety has never been my strong point. I'm also a bit of a girly girl...I love glitter, shopping, and can talk just about anybody's ear off. So at work, the cooks have taken to calling me "Barbie" because of my overly dramatic and apparently entertaining manner of doing everything. I knew they called me that, but was rather surprised when a table said, "Excuse me miss, we have a question. Is our ticket wrong? Or is it your nametag?" I looked down at their ticket, and sure enough, my name was now Barbie. My manager, Matt, laughed for probably ten straight minutes...and then left it there all weekend. I got some seriously strange looks from my customers, but the story made everybody laugh--and everybody agreed once they saw how animated our conversations were and how it's nearly impossible for me to talk without using my hands. 

Speaking of my personality...my parents and the Fife's have developed this odd hang-up on the "Color-Code" personality test. So during our Super Bowl party this Sunday, we all took the test. My poor mom...she's stuck with a red husband, and three red children. We're all power hungry and determined individuals....and yet she's the only person who can out-talk me and gets a word in edgewise when I'm around. 

Speaking of the Super Bowl, we throw a better party than you do...guaranteed. Piles of ribs, plates of fruit, vegetables, dip, chips, guacamole, and bowls of Muddy Buddies make for some very happy neighbors. 

 Now, after writing a five page paper in a single night, working a five hour shift, and with a 9 am class staring me in the face, it's time for bed.

 Goal of the week: Be in bed before midnight at least once.

P.S. MY WINDOW IS FIXED, FOLKS. Driving home was freezing to say the least, but then my dad is a superhero and got the window up. (It won't go down...no more drive thrus for me I guess!) Now, I have a car I'm not going to freeze to death in, and another reason why my dad is better than yours. 

Night, kiddos. 

Lead me, guide me.

How's my day going so far? Well. Right now, I'm sitting in my apartment checking outside every few seconds to make sure Jon's not losing his mind. Because my window needs fixing, and he got that job thrown at him on Tuesday at approximately 8 o'clock. [Really, it was earlier. Bronson hadn't even left yet and I was having car problems. C'est la freaking vie.] Took my first physics test today, and turned in my first college English paper ever...after sending off my first round of missionary letters to Elder Kunzler, Elder Gerber, and Elder Anderson. It's been a day of firsts, let me tell you. 

Anyway. Last night during our roommate scripture study, we read 1 Nephi 4:6. 

"And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." 

Reading that, I started thinking of all the things that had happened just that day that were examples of people listening to the Spirit, whether they knew it or not. 

Yesterday was long, and I was exhausted before it was even noon. I got home, made some lunch, and checked my email, where I found a message from my dad. He basically spoke directly to everything that had happened that day. 

"I realized that nothing I say will make the hurt and loneliness magically go away, but I also realize that it is nice to know that someone cares and feels for you." 

Add that to my roommates and their texts and just a million other little things that made me smile, I realized how grateful I am for parents that are in tune with the Spirit enough to know what I need to hear, even when I'm an hour away. 

I went to my A-Team class, a physics review, and then the five of us girls headed over to the library to study some more. As I was going through my notes, another email came through; this one from Bronson's mom, making sure she had my email address, that I'd still come visit, and finally making sure that I was doing okay. 

Now, none of these people knew what I'd been praying for and hoping for that day, and yet every single one of them spoke directly to a specific plea that I'd had that morning. 

My point is...we have a Heavenly Father that knows us. Individually, uniquely, and completely. 

Remember that. 

The way it looks.

November 12: I've always loved English, and I love to read. So it only makes sense that finally, I can call myself an English major. I love to read, love to write, and as Bronson put it, I say probably twice as many words as anyone else. I'm also kind of obsessed with quotes...and have a board with over 1,000 of them on my Pinterest. [Pathetic, I know. But I'm not a crafter. Or a cook. So my boards are mainly quotes and clothes. Deal with it.] Today, I'm thankful for my all the incredible books out there, the plays, the poems, and the people who created them all. Now for some of my favorite quotes, Pinterest style.

Not only do I love quotes, whether they're funny, cute, sad, inspiring, or mind boggling, I am an avid reader. I could read Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture" or Alexandre Dumas' "The Count of Monte Cristo" seven millions times and never get sick of them--and I've probably come pretty close to that many readings. Which brings me to my very favorite quote in the whole world.
At the very very end of the Count of Monte Cristo, the Count is writing a letter to his friend before he leaves with Haidee, and leaves his old life for the last time.
The Count tells Morrel, "There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. It is necessary to have wished for death, Maximillien, in order to know how good it is to live. Live then, and be happy...and never forget that until the day when God shall deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is summed up in these two words--Wait, and Hope."

Words, words, words, people. They're a big deal.

November 13: I'm grateful for the standards that I keep. Last night, we had to go see the play "A Chorus Line" for my creative arts class...and it was one of the worst things I've ever watched. So many vulgar, crude, and nasty jokes. A whole lot of swearing. And nothing in it was even slightly redeeming.  It was so uncomfortable. But it did teach me something--there are things in this world deemed "high culture" that are just as low as the lowest culture out there. And I know my standards, and know what I think is okay. I'm glad that there are some things out there that are okay though, and that I know what's what. I'm grateful for the standards and ideals that my parents helped instill in me, and for the beliefs that I have being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That's all, really. :)