Thursday, January 21, 2016


For someone who hates emotions as much as I do, I'm entirely too sentimental.
I'm the one that gets a weird little twinge of nostalgia on days when something important happened.
I could tell you exactly what I was wearing the day my first boyfriend first brought me flowers.
I can quote the note my best friend from elementary school wrote me the day she moved and switched schools in the middle of 8th grade.
I could tell you the exact time and place of every first kiss I've ever had.
I keep movie tickets, concert tickets, notes and letters, and every picture my siblings have ever made for me in a box under my bed.

I'm a firm believer in the fact that our memories make up most of the person that we are, and while these memories are mostly magical, sometimes they hurt a lot.
Because as sentimental as I am, I'm also a huge planner.
I know what I want, when I want it, and how I want it to go.
Sometimes things don't go the way you planned, and sometimes the way you planned isn't the way you want things to go.
The people you think will never leave are the ones just out of reach, and the ones you never thought you'd be able to keep close are the ones talking to you at 2 am and calming your crazy. 
Sometimes what your heart wants isn't what your heart gets and what you get is what your heart never knew it wanted.

I'm 900% content with my life right now. I'm surrounded by wonderful people who love me (and even when people are dumb, there's a dozen more who make sure I don't go crazy), I'm 106 days away from graduating from a university I love more than just about anything, and I have a family that has me convinced my life is actually made of magic.
But it's in these minutes of tender nostalgia that I wonder what else could have happened. In a world where I still blush every time Just The Way You Are plays, I can't help but sing So Close when it rains, and I still believe in the magic of Miracle--what could have happened? What if I had gone to a different school, or said "no" to this, and "yes" to that,  and done a dozen different things instead of doing what put me right here?
If anything, these moments add proof to the belief that everything happens for a reason. I wouldn't change where I am now for anything in the world...but tonight, that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about dozens of Wednesday night hockey games and two years worth of letters with the sweetest kind of "I miss you" feeling and feeling incredibly grateful for the people I was lucky enough to call mine, even if just for a minute. 

Monday, January 11, 2016

Recognize goodness.

Do you ever have those days where a lesson just hits home and seems to be just for you? 
Today was one of those days.
Our lesson today was on President Howard W. Hunter, and talked about how Jesus Christ is the only way to true joy and hope. 
Then we watched this video, and if you haven't watched it yet, you need to. But have some tissues ready. 

"Evil did not win that day." 
That statement hit me and made me look differently at things. 
It's been a weird couple of months. 
I've seen marriages end, watched friends leave the church, cried over the death of family members, and dealt with my own struggles. 
I've watched the news and shuddered at the things happening all over the world that bring people to describe things as evil and terrible. 
The world is a scary place. It's exhausting, terrifying, and stressful. 
The negative things are so much easier to count than the blessings.
It's so easy to get caught up in the evils that surround us and feel overwhelmed with our inability to do something about it. 
This video helped me breathe a little better when I started thinking about these things. 
In the face of such a tragedy, and amidst so much heartbreak, this mother was able to look at the spirit her little girl had brought into the world and recognize the presence of goodness in the world. 
If they could recognize it, why can't we? 
Because if evil didn't win that day, don't let it win today. 
So there's my New Year's resolution. Recognize more goodness. 

[If you want something else to read/watch/listen to, go here]