Saturday, April 28, 2012

All things go.

We graduate in 23 days. My cap and gown are hanging on my bedroom door, and my graduation announcements are being printed. I'm shipping for a dress for Senior Cotillion, and registered for my classes next fall. Scholarship acceptance letters have been sent in, and new leaders have been chosen for all the groups I'm in. Final banquets and awards ceremonies are happening, and orientation is starting for the new kids.

I'm freaking out.
Last weekend, there was a not-so-subtle shift in the directions my life was headed, and this week was a little shaky to say the least. But, everything happens for a reason, right? And we're all headed for bigger and better things, even of we can't see it at the moment.

With everything I've ever known coming to a close, we really are experiencing not only the beginning of the end, but the end of our beginning as well. In less than a month, we'll be out of a school system we've been in for 13 years, moving away from everyone we know, and starting fresh. I

So these last few weeks? I'm going to do what I want. How I want. When I want. Because this is the last chance we have to make a mark, and I intend to. Right now, all things go.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Underwhelming questions.

Most nights, I get in bed around 10 or 10:30....and proceed to lay there, wide awake, until midnight. I'm not doing anything productive, usually sporadically checking Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, email, and Pinterest; but if I could channel all the brain power my mind generates right then, I could pass my AP tests in the first week of school.
Last night was frustrating, stressful, and not very much fun. But! While I was laying there, quite literally nested in my seven thousand blankets and pillows, and twisting my Disney Princess blanket in my hands like there was no tomorrow (it's a nervous habit, and yes, it is Disney. Deal with it.) the conversation in my head went something like this.

"So. NOW what?"
"What do you mean, now what?"
"I mean, this is a change, a big change. It's been a long time since things were like this."
"Maybe, but change is good. Change is real good. It'll all be OK."
"But, what if...."

And I promptly fell asleep. I have a problem with that, falling asleep mid conversation. Granted, it's usually with another person and not just myself, but still.
I woke up this morning and was busy and barely breathing until 7:45 (which really is saying a lot considering I was up at the crack of dawn and had an early morning meeting.) And I got a text from a friend, one I haven't really talked to in a while.

"Hey Ashley! I just wanted to tell you to have such a fantastic day! :) You're a great girl, with such a loving, kind personality. Keep being great. :)...Keep your chin up sug :) and pass it forward. You are wonderful! :)"

Like I said, I don't talk to this friend very often, and she has no idea what's really going on. But that message? Was just what I needed. And just reiterated the fact that no matter what's happening, who's fighting with who, and what is going wrong, someone up there is ALWAYS listening, watching, and looking out for us.

And suddenly, all those overwhelming questions and problems became insignificant.
"It's days like today, when life gets great."

(ALSO. I get to see the band who penned ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ those lyrics tonight with my best friends. Life is alright, I guess....:))

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

What I wouldn't give.

I don't know if anyone understands the true significance of this picture, but it seriously breaks my heart and makes everything right in the world all at the same time. 17 may be my favorite number, but numbers 12 and 57 will always, always, be special.
Those two boys right there have been my world since I was five-ish. First crush, first love, first date, first bf, first heartbreak. All summed up in those two boys.

Tonight was just another one of those wake-up calls that I really am growing up, and everything is changing. When I watched these boys play against each other for the first time three years ago, I would have laughed if you told me how things would be now. But change happens, and life throws you curveballs. Roll with it.

I do want to explain this picture a little more though. Those boys right there are the two people who have changed me more than any other human beings on this planet. They've saved me from myself more times than I can count, and I'd like to say I've been there for them as well. Dylan taught me from the time I was super little that I belonged cheering at a hockey rink, and not on the sidelines of a football field. Some people despise the potency of the rec center ice rink, but for some of us, it's almost too familiar. I can't name many of the NHL players, or even the teams, but I can tell you just about everything about these two boys, their teams, and their respective stats. I may not have been the best attendee, but I've never missed hearing about a game. I can't stand watching them get hit, and I scream louder than their families when they score. I yell at the refs when they get called for something stupid. I've waited for them in the lobby of the rec center for more time than I care to count, and no matter what they do, I will never get used to the smell of hockey pads.

This year, these boys are both captains of their respective teams. And tonight, I watched them play in their final games for those teams. Both were selected to play on the All-Star team, and there was not a crisis in this world that could have kept me from being there. Watching them play alongside each other, even if it was for different teams, made me more proud than I ever have been. And seeing them circle up for the last face-off literally made me cry. They faced off for the last time, and a chapter of our lives closed. In different ways of course, but a piece of us ended right there.

I shouldn't be so sentimental about a hockey game, but there's more meaning in that picture than I could ever begin to describe. So I'll leave it at this: I don't know if I can say I've been changed for the better. But, because I knew them? I know I have been changed for good.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

It's all in the eyes.

I'm just reading yet another juvenile chick-lit romance, and a line in it got me thinking.
"He gives me a look.

I give him one back."

Have you ever noticed that no matter who you're with, they can give you one look, and you know exactly what they're thinking? It cracks me up sometimes, and other times it's like they're staring straight into your soul and suddenly they know every deep dark secret you've ever kept.

If I say anything snotty, sarcastic, or even remotely rude, I know that Kyle will look at me like I'm a complete idiot. Just kidding. He just tilts his head, and looks down at me like I need to see a doctor. Which gets him a look in turn, that usually involves me sticking my tongue out or shrugging my shoulders. It says more than any teasing remark ever will, and it never ceases to make me laugh.

Emi and I mock each other incessantly, and when either of us runs out of something to say, we make the weirdest faces at each other. Crossed eyes, messed up mouths, and far too many twisted expressions. I'm not even sure what it means; maybe that the conversation is over, or it's a white flag of surrender. Who knows. But we're definitely in the running for the weirdest faces out there.

Hailee and her faces speak novels. It's a proven fact. Thursday night, she was...spooning? my massive teddy bear, and Emi and I were talking about who knows what. We said something ridiculous, or at least more ridiculous than usual, and the bear went up in the air and Hailee just made this "I can't believe you two just said that and I hang out with you on a daily basis and call you my friends" face.

Everyone knows when their mom is angry, because of her stink-eye. I know when my dad is making up a story, because his upper lip doesn't move, and I know when my friends are truly happy, because their eyes literally shine.

When it all comes down to it, the face is an amazing thing.

Yes, that was a random rant, but it's over now. Deal with it.

Also, my acrylics are gone and I really don't know how to handle feeling normal again. FYI.

Prom. Prom. Prom. Prom. Prom. Prom. EVERYBODY.

Senior prom is a win. I'm just saying. So you people get to hear about every second of it. [kind of.]

Last Saturday, we spent the day at Thanksgiving Point; driving golf carts around the gardens, playing in the fountains, and visiting the dinosaur museum. It was a blast. But the real party was this weekend.

I had a hair/makeup appointment, and the best part of that was the eyes. I'm telling you people. Amber Woffinden has magical powers. SHE DID PEACOCK EYESHADOW FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Seriously though, blue and purple feathers, on my eyes. However, it was daarrrrk. Like hookerish dark by the time we put mascara on, so we lightened it, and nixed the feathers. Downer. My hair was fabulous, and she incorporated everything I wanted into it. I'm telling you, magic.
Then my date, Matt Mansfield, picked me up in his uncle's amazing Corvette. My parents were down in Salt Lake setting up for the pictures, (my dad always plays dance photographer. Handy, really.) so I was fending for myself. Guess who put the boutonniere on flawlessly, the first time, with no help?? Me. That's right.
Then we drove to Salt Lake in the POURING rain for pictures and dinner, where finding parking was an adventure in itself. Ate, got photographed, and made our way to the State Capitol Building for the dance. That place is magical.
We danced til we dropped--almost literally, but not quite--and Matt was a sweetheart. Making sure I was always happy, was dancing with who I wanted to, dancing every slow song with me (and not doing it awkwardly. We actually looked like we liked each other. Winner, right there.), and basically just making me feel like a million bucks. We're both spazzy dancers which meant we moshed, and we moshed hard. My feet will be bruised for weeks.
When we were getting ready to leave, we realized it wasn't raining. I knew my hair would get ruined, but.... If it meant driving with the top down, I was willing to do anything. So we did, and blasted fun. the whole the Bountiful exit, where it promptly started pouring, and we had to put the top back up. Oh well.
We changed in record time, and ate out of a chocolate fountain at the McRae's. Then we migrated downstairs, and claimed a spot on the best LoveSac to watch "How to Train Your Dragon." I'm fairly certain I was asleep for the majority of the movie, and Matt's entire right side of his body probably was too, but I think he was far too interested in the show to notice.
We made it home by curfew, he gave me a hug and spun me around again, and left.

It wasn't a huge deal, and it wasn't extravagant. But the kid is a gentleman, and I absolutely adore him. That's the moral of the story.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I get bored far too easily.

I have the attention span of a small child, and the patience of an even smaller human being. So, rather than waiting for my friend to hurry up and get married so she could start doing my hair again, I went ahead and scheduled an appointment at a real salon. (Gasp! This never happens. Like, ever. I'm all for Sally Beauty, bathroom sinks, and Sweet Home Alabama in the background of the Brian's or Smith's houses. Sue me.)
But I digress.
Since I was in seventh grade, I've had this nearly obsessive need for physical change. You name it, I've done it. Except tattoos. Extreme diets? Check. Over-exercise? Check. Every hair color from platinum to nearly black? Check. I don't know what it is, but something about being able to make me, the person I want to be never ceases to entertain me. That, and the fact that I can't do anything the same way for too long. Repetition not only bores me, but it terrifies me. What if someday, I get used to doing something one way for so long, that I can't do it any other way???
The fear is unwarranted, irrational, and silly. But I can't help it.

On a related note, prom is this Saturday. I. Am. So. Excited. I'm going with Matt Mansfield, one of my good friends, and I'm so glad I don't have to worry about impressing him. He's a sweetheart, and has already proved to me time and time again that this is going to be a great night, but it's nice to know that there's no pressure. My dress is fantastic, my date is a sweetheart, and oh! I GET TO RIDE IN A CORVETTE. Yeah, yeah, it's happened before and I've even driven one. But talk about arriving with class. We're going to look smoking.

So basically, life is good. And I get to feed my hair dye addiction tomorrow. Yay life!

Also, follow me on Instagram (ashlindberg) or on Twitter (@smash717) if you're not already. It'll be fun, I promise.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

I owe you a thank you.

I love General Conference weekend a whole lot, and this weekend was incredibly inspiring. I love this gospel, and I believe it with all my heart. Watching conference, surrounded by my siblings, listening to the words of our prophets and leaders made me realize how amazingly lucky I am, to live where I live, with the people I love, and the beliefs that I have.
If anything, I owe a few people a thank you.

Thank YOU, for helping me learn what I needed to in order to be the person I am today, and be headed where I am. For raising me with a significant amount of strength and confidence, an for supporting me in all I do.
Thank YOU, for holding me up and helping me through the many problems I've faced, and for not being afraid to let me know how you felt. For helping everything I want come around, even when we don't talk. For knowing me better than I know myself, and assuring me that I was OK just the way I am.
Thank YOU, for understanding me on a level that no one else does and allowing me to spill every ounce of my brain to you. For relating to me when no one else could, and being there hen everyone else turned their backs.
Thank YOU, for coming back when you had every right to walk away, and for sticking it out when everyone else left. For being the one person I am entirely comfortable around and being more like me than either of us want to admit.
Thank YOU, for keeping my head screwed on straight, and for teaching me that my opinions were worth fighting for. For making me believe in love, and making it seem worth it.
Thank YOU, for being there even when everyone walked away because of it. For giving me a reason to fight for my beliefs, and for making me look at things in a whole new light. For doing things that are out of your comfort zone to keep me happy, and giving me an idea of how it feels to be truly wanted.

Thank YOU, for making me, me.