Gone too soon.

Friday night, we had one final dinner as roommates before Kelsey leaves on Wednesday. While we were sitting at Zupa's, someone said something about how the next time we'll all be together, there'll be wedding rings involved. Just about blew my mind. 

For the last nine months, I've spent just about every waking moment with these five girls. We've cleaned, cried, yelled, slept, cooked, and laughed together; and they've become my very best friends. 

Kelsey goes into the MTC next Wednesday, and then we'll have 21 months before we're all together again.
Gives a whole new meaning to "see you soon."
I'm so excited for the people of Knoxville [not Nashville, contrary to popular belief] to get to know Kelsey. She's one of the most Christlike people I've ever met, and she's got a stronger testimony than just about anyone else I know. She's a ridiculously hard worker, and more motivated than I'll ever be. And those traits alone are going to help her work wonders in Tennessee. 

Yesterday was Boston's farewell too. Our mom's have been friends for a ridiculously long time, and we kind of got thrown together. That led to sleepovers every day of the week, daily homework sessions, and bike rides to our favorite swing set in Kaysville. Being a year old than me, Bost was always one step ahead and acted as the perfect example for me to follow. She heads to the MTC on the 5th of June before leaving for Spokane, Washington...and I feel like I'm losing a sister. She's taught me so much, and I look up to her and admire her more than anybody else.

Basically, I've been ridiculously lucky when it comes to my friends. They're incredible examples of Christlike lives, and they have testimonies that help mine grow every single day. I'm so proud of each and every one of them and their decision to serve, and I can't wait to add to my list of letter-writing buddies. Missionary work is such an amazing thing, and I'm so glad I get to see it happening on so many levels.
I went over to Bronson's house yesterday since it had been forever since I'd seen his family. After four hours of talking about everything under the sun, a snapchat conversation with Jonnynog, and updating them on everybody's lives; I realized just how lucky I was to have not only amazing friends, but to have  good relationships with their families as well. The Kunzler's are some incredible people, and I'm so glad they're a part of my life.

Last, but certainly not least, today was email day! Emily's been eating some freaky foods in Paris (rabbit, goat cheese, escargot, and pureed celery--whatever that means) and Hailee's companion knows next to no English (the word of the day was "sketchy" and her companion lost no time telling her, "Sister Henson, you look sketchy today." Oh the joys of a foreign language). Bronson's loving Michigan. (He also said a bunch of ward members had found my blog via Facebook...so hello to any new readers in Michigan! Take care of my best friend, alright?) And he sent me this picture saying, "I think this will make your day." He's changed so much in the last four months, and yet he hasn't changed at all. What a goof. 

Life is good, kids. So good. 

The perfect beginning.

Do you remember daydreaming as a little kid about being in college? All the fun you'd have, the friends you'd make, and finally living on your own? I think I did it probably every second for a majority of my life. 

But even as independent and spontaneous as I am, I've learned that being a grownup isn't all fun. We do have to work, try hard, and things are tough sometimes--but this year has been, in a word, unbelievable. 

I've been in college for a whole year now--and I've learned a lot. 

I've learned that I'm a wizard at baking, but cupcakes and cookies only do so much for a starving college student. I sincerely appreciate vegetables now. My mom laughs when I come home, because I will load the biggest bowl we have with salad and eat probably three servings. I could probably eat a bag of snap peas in a sitting, and I know probably a million and a half ways to serve a chicken breast that's been grilled on a George Foreman. I'm ten times more grateful for my job, because I eat whole meals there; and I'm a thousand times more grateful for my mom's food when I come home. For the times I'm not at work though, I've learned that peanut butter cupcakes and chocolate chip applesauce cookies go a long way in bribing people into dinner. 

I've learned that sometimes, the job of your dreams turns out to be your worst nightmare. A month into my first JComm class, (Journalism Communications, or Japanese Communications if you ask Bronson and Jackson) I realized that journalism was NOT what I wanted to be doing. I loved every second--or almost every second--I spent working on a broadcast and newspaper staff in high school, but professionally, it wasn't for me. One of my favorite sayings says something like, "Find something you love to do, and you'll never work a day in your life." I absolutely hated my journalism classes, and I would have rather dropped out of school than take another. This semester, I'm taking two English classes, and I'm registered for three more next fall. I absolutely love every second of them, and I actually look forward to doing the readings and homework. College has taught me that even if you've spent years of doing one thing, don't be surprised when it doesn't seem to work. It's OK to change your mind. Just find something you love.

I've learned that college really does change everything. I used to think I'd be so excited to go back to high school football games, and when we went to Viewmont's prom our junior year, we even talked about going back this year. Yeah....NO. Don't get me wrong I loved high school, for the most part at least, but that time has passed. And I finally understand what people mean when they say "I wouldn't relive those days for anything in the world."

I've learned that you should give everything a try. I can't think of a single time I regret doing something that I originally questioned. Try EVERYTHING. Whether it's camping on the Quad, intramural volleyball, or a time out game during an Aggie Basketball game...DO IT. You're only going to regret the things you don't do.
Most importantly though, I've learned about myself. That's what these few years are for, to find out who you're really supposed to be and what you have to do to get there. So take chances.  Stay up til three a.m. every night for a week and make memories. Take classes you never thought you would. Fall in love with someone. Jump in First Dam. Sleep on the Quad. Wait in line for six hours for a football game. Stay in the library for sixteen million hours. Talk to that really cute kid you pass every morning. Whatever it is, just do it. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because we only have one chance to make this experience the best it can be. The most important thing I learned, though? "Be in love with your life, every minute of it." 

As we move out this week, and everyone we've met heads out on missions, gets married, changes schools, or just goes home for the summer, it's hard not to think about how much is going to change and how much I'm going to miss. 

I'm going to miss midnight McDonald's runs, orange chicken dates, 2 am prank wars, and all night long conversations with the 106 boys. Those boys give new meaning to the term "love/hate relationship" and as much as it drives me crazy when they knock on the door at 1:30 in the morning, I know I'll miss it when they're not living next door anymore.
I'm going to miss Cookie Wednesdays, First Floor socials, and Sunday dinners in 103.
I'm going to miss my first single's ward, running to ward prayer, and visits from the bishopric during finals week.

I'm going to miss bagel dates, Lundstrom study parties, and Taco Tuesday with my favorite people.
I'm going to miss our endless pile of dishes, our perpetually disastrous bathroom counters, our crowded fridge, and my closet that doesn't fit a quarter of my wardrobe.

I've made a million and a half memories these last nine months, and I'm going to miss this apartment more than I think any of us realize right now. We're all off to a thousand places, headed on and up in the things we're doing...but I can't think of a better place to be, or better people to be going with.

So here's to our freshman year, for being the perfect beginning to the rest of our lives. 

Pulled from orbit.

I've lived in the same neighborhood for almost thirteen years, and that means that a lot of my role models, heroes, and some of my very best friends lived within two blocks of my house for a majority of my life. From first grade on, Carly and I were basically attached at the hip. We did everything together, and we were even able to convince people that we were twins [it probably didn't help that we would purposely wear the same outfits, buy the same clothes, and cut our hair the same way].

We made music videos together, and did our best to find the world's strangest costumes. 

 Because our parents were such good friends, our families did everything together too. Our dad's went biking together, and I spent weekends in Park City with Carly at their time share. 

 the same same school, and hung out with the same people.
One time, we even donated our hair to Locks of Love together, because we thought that was a good idea. [News flash: It's not. Chin-length hair should never be done on girls with naturally curly hair. #poodles.]

Being in the same ward meant that we were together as much as humanly possible [except for Primary/Sunday School classes, because I'm the youngest out of alllll my friends. :(]. That meant campouts, YW activities, Girls' Camp, Youth Conference, you name it. 

 And then, Car moved to Fruit Heights. Now, it's not that far--most of my friends don't live in the same city as me anymore--but as an 8th grader, it was the worst thing any of us could have imagined. Carly and I had been in the same school for almost 8 years, and now she was switching jr. highs. As pathetic as it sounds, I don't think I've ever been more lonely than I was the first day of our second semester of eighth grade, when I opened my locker and all of her stuff was gone. 

 Even with her in a different school, we did our best to stay close. But time changes things, and by the time we got to high school, we rarely saw each other. We'd pass in the halls at school, and we'd talk. And our junior year, she and her little sister played lacrosse with me, but that was about it. 

Today, I watched Carly give her farewell talk before she leaves on a mission to the Philippines. We've come a long way in the last twelve years. 

We're not the little girls who sat in the back of the Benesch's minivan, eating Spaghettio's and promising that we'd be roommates when we went to BYU together. [Obviously, we both realized the fault in that promise, as we both ended up at Utah State.]

We're not the sixth graders laying on a pile of blankets in the middle of the night trying to decide whether or not we should check on her hamster, Teddy, who was running into the walls of his cage every two and a half seconds. 

We're not the girls who would watch Pirates of the Caribbean three times in a night, or play tug-of-war with a blanket on the stairs trying to see who would fly down the stairs first. 

We've grown up, and we've definitely done some changing. And although it's been years since I intentionally matched my outfit to my best friend's, I can honestly say that a large part of who I am today is because of this girl. 

As Elphaba says in Wicked, "I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason. They bring something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them. And we help them in return...and I know I'm who I am today, because I knew you. Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good." 

There's no one I would have rather grown up with, and I'm so glad that I've been able to call her one of my best friends. 

Five houses, two junior highs, and twelve years later, I still think the world of her. 

She taught me what it means to be a best friend, and I'll always be grateful for that. 

She's going to be an incredible missionary, and the people of Quezon City are so lucky to have her. 

She changed my life, and I know she'll change dozens more over the next 18 months. 

Good luck, Sister Benesch. :) 

Every good thing.

I've come to the conclusion that life likes making me emotional. 

This week, as we've been registering for the next semester, applying for new apartments, and packing up everything we own for our move home, I've realized once again how absolutely incredible this school year has been. 

In the last nine months, these girls have become my best friends, my sisters, and my go-to's. 

We've gone through break ups, finals weeks, and funerals together. 

We've sent off missionaries, opened mission calls, and been accepted to other schools. 

We've shared each other's clothes, dyed each other's hair, and made each other cry (ONLY ONCE, THOUGH).

You couldn't find five better people anywhere in the world. 

These are the girls who offered input on a letter to grandparents I hadn't seen in years, and then drove with me to find their house in the middle of the night. 

These are the girls who listened to my pointless rambling and endless whining about boys, and then got as excited as I did when things started working out. 

These are the girls who had Dr. Pepper and letters waiting for me the day I said goodbye to Bronson, and the ones who cried with me when I realized that a vast majority of my friends were leaving. 

These are the girls I stay up with all night talking about the future, doing homework, and thinking about life. 

They're the ones I go to for everything, the ones whose closets I share, the ones I hurry back up to Logan for. 

They're the first people I call when something good happens, and the ones I go crying to when something is wrong. 

They know what to do when I'm having a bad day, and how to knock my ego down a few steps when I'm being a brat. 

And I honestly don't know where I'd be without them. Kenzie makes fun of me because I say that everyone is my "best friend." But when it comes down to it, I really only have five of those. 

They've changed my life more in these last nine months than I would have ever imagined, and I am grateful for them every single day. 

Grateful for the fact that I've been able to call Emi my best friend for the last six years. 

Grateful for having Kenzie there with me every step of the way these last few months. 

Grateful that Adrienne thinks I'm worth living with another year. 

Grateful that I found another twin in Lauren. 

Grateful that Kelsey knows how to always make me laugh, and helped me survive last semester. 

But mostly, I'm grateful that somebody realized how much I needed these girls. 

So here's to us, 102. 

For making our freshman year the best it could have been, and for giving us the best friends a girl could ask for. Because even though all good things come to an end, we've got years ahead of us. 

I owe you the world, girls. 

On our way to the moon.

I guess you could say I'm a fan of Easter weekend. Lots of family [even family pictures], tons of food, and just enough friends to remind me how much I love my life. 

Jackson and I trekked down to Spanish Fork for the Festival of Colors--and by trek, I mean we drove for almost three hours to get there--and partied as we always do, this time with far too much color. 

And on the way home [stuck in stand still traffic again] we happened to pull up next to Mallory, who was driving up from California for Easter. Talk about the best surprise I've had in a really long time. 

After being stuck in a car with this kid for 5 hours, and discussing literally every single aspect of our lives possible, I realized just how much I'm going to miss him when he leaves on Wednesday. 

Jacks gave an incredible talk today about the Atonement, and I don't think the people of Hong Kong know how lucky they are to get him for the next two years. 

So for the next two years, I'll go on all our crazy adventures by myself. Write him play-by-plays of Psych so he doesn't miss our favorite TV show. Make dozens of playlists of all the new music he'll miss. And record the concerts we were going to go to so that he can watch them when he gets home. Because there's only so much you can do when your best friends are scattered across the globe. 

Good luck out there, Jackson. Learn how to like fish, and don't forget about how much we love Fall Out Boy. Because there's going to be a lot of both of those in our culdesac on the moon. 

Thanks for being the best friend, big brother, relationship counselor, and partner-in-crime a girl could ask for. I wouldn't be where I am without you. See ya in two, Ibble Song. 

California dreamin.

Sometimes, California gives you a tan line. Or pictures with Mickey Mouse. Or a head of saltwater curled hair. Or a headache from a roller coaster.

 But if you're really lucky, it gives you a best friend. 

A best friend who goes job hunting with you for days, and then spends the longest five months of our lives slaving away at a little Mexican restaurant for $2.13 an hour. Learns how to make gallons of salsa, serve a beautiful fried ice cream, and order a to go dinner of tacos worthy of royalty. 

A best friend who has never seen snow before, and has no idea what the term white washing means...and doesn't hate you when you show her exactly what it means. 

A best friend who drives around with you for hours when you're bored and Skypes you at 3 am when you're going to school 4 hours away from each other and understands your love for Dr. Pepper better than anybody else in the world. 

A best friend who dyes her hair almost as much as you do, and doesn't judge you when you get completely and totally lost on the way to crash a prom, stop at a green light, run a red light and successfully park worse than anybody else in the history of the world. 

A best friend who goes along with all your crazy ideas, delivers cupcakes to someone she's never met and you haven't talked to in a year, and has random sleepovers with you when you're home for the weekend. 

And then that best friend puts in her mission papers. And gets called to Paris. And leaves on April 3rd. And as you watch her give her farewell talk, you realize how grateful you are that her dad got a new job in Salt Lake, and that you went to lunch with that random new girl the first day of senior year. 

So Em, here's to you. For being one of the best friends I've ever had, and for changing my life more in one year than anybody I've ever met. 

Change some lives in Paris, and don't forget that you're not allowed to stay any longer than 18 months because I need a midnight McDonald's run buddy and someone to laugh at my jokes. 

Good luck, Soeur Elliott. :)

Too much too soon.

You can only see so many sunsets before it becomes just something that happens at six o'clock every night. 

You can only hear your favorite song so many times before it becomes just a sequence of notes. 

Your favorite meal can only be eaten so many times before it becomes just another serving of food. 

You only have to do something 23 times (give or take a few) before it becomes habit. 

But I don't think I'll ever get used to saying goodbye. I don't think it ever gets easier, I'm certainly never going to look forward to it, and I'm not seeing any good in goodbye. 

I said goodbye to Hailee tonight, for a year and a half. 

At the same time, I decided that my heart is officially being split into pieces and headed to various places. 

A very large part of it leaves for Detroit at 7:30 tomorrow morning. 

Part of it lives in Alabama. 

Another part of it enters the Provo MTC this Wednesday, and will head to Paris, France in roughly 8 weeks. [That piece will be joined by another in April. Two of my best friends serving in the same mission. There is no justice in the world.]

A piece of it will head to Hong Kong April 3rd. 

Another part will find out where it's headed the second week in March. 

I guess you could say that for the next 18-24 months, I'm going to be a rather heartless individual. OR you could say that for the next two years, I'm going to learn to love like I never have before. My mailbox is going to become ridiculously international, and there's a good chance my hand may actually fall off from all the letters I'm going to be writing. 

I'm so sick of saying goodbye I can hardly handle it, but I'm so proud of my best friends I can hardly contain it. 

Good luck out there, Hailee. I'm going to miss you like crazy, but you're going to be the best missionary Paris has ever seen. See ya in 18. :)

I'm gonna miss you.

Goodbyes suck. Like cry-your-face-off, not being able to talk, and shaking hands suck...but sometimes they're for a good reason. Sending my best friends off around the world isn't what I wanted to be doing over the next six weeks, but I couldn't be more proud of them. Be prepared for some sappy stuff from here on out, but I'm a little bit emotional tonight and you get to deal with it. 

Tonight, I said goodbye to my best friend. The kid that since New Years of our sophomore year, I've hardly gone a day without talking to. He knows every single thing about me, and still loves me...and that's a whole lot to be grateful for. :) He held me together when my grandma passed away, came to my lacrosse games, and attempts to help me study biology, even though I fail. He makes me laugh harder than anybody else I know, and he's the one of two boys I know who would drop everything to change five flat tires in a matter of weeks. We've been through a lot in the last four years, and I'm not excited to face the next two with him 1,500 miles away.

And I'm going to miss him. 

I'm going to miss midnight car rides, game nights, bowling dates, and Coldstone runs. I'm going to miss that blue Mazda, vanilla air fresheners, and a million phone calls at any point in the day. I'm going to miss having a go-to flat tire changer, biology tutor, and ski-lift buddy. I'm going to miss hockey games, Aggie basketball, finding deer and Christmas light judging. I'm going to miss watching way too many NHL videos on YouTube, and the familiar CD's that he keeps in his car all the time. I'm going to have to figure out how to pop my own knuckles, drive in the dark without getting a migraine, and make my own decisions. I'm going to miss movie nights and listening to him laugh while I fall asleep on the couch in the middle of the show, yet again. I'm going to miss beating him at bowling, and wrecking his sister at Rook. (Sorry Nicole, but we're the reigning champions for the next two years.)  But most of all, I'm going to miss having someone there to call when I'm bored, have some dumb story to tell, or just need to talk. I'm going to miss knowing that someone who knows everything about me is only a phone call or an hour's drive away at most...and would drop just about anything to help me. 

But on the flip side...

I'm so excited for the people in Detroit to get to know and learn to love my best friend. I'm so excited for him to be able to serve those people, and to learn and grow as missionaries do. He's got a testimony that will change more lives than I have time to count, and a heart that loves like no one else. Detroit doesn't know what they have coming. And mainly, I'm excited because every day he's gone is one more day for me to learn and grow, and one day closer to him coming home. 

So here's to my best friend, for being everything a girl could want. I'm so grateful for him and his testimony, his example and his willingness to serve. 

I'll see ya in two, Bron. Love you. 

Back to normal.

My brother and I have an ice cream addiction. So every time I come home, we inevitably end up making a midnight In-n-Out run for shakes. [Chocolate for me, neopolitan for him.] And then, he steals my phone while we take the "long way" home, really just the frontage road, and snap chats and texts my best friend. And they take the opportunity to abuse me to the best of their ability. It's great...and by great, I mean it's not. Good thing I love 'em.

We're back in Logan! And we're better than ever. I can't even begin to explain how much I missed these girls, even if we do stay up way too late talking and act like we're three. But, you have to admit, we rock the footie pajamas and bathrobes like nobody's business. I'm glad we're back...but I miss everyone back home. Braden and Luke. Bronson and Jackson. Emily and Hailee and Sadie. Sad day. But I'm proud of them, and know that they'll be the best missionaries in the whole world.

I really don't know what to say about this picture, other than the fact that Emi draws on her food. She's a keeper.

Sometimes I bring free pie home, and we inhale it faster than I can get everybody out of bed to eat. Triple berry definitely wins the award for our favorite, and the peanut butter is one we can pass on.

In other news, my family is going to Vegas right now. Without me. So while they're having a party in the 63 degree weather, I'll be going to school and working in the freezing cold. College kid problems? 

BUT. I get to meet the rest of the A-Team tonight! And I'm super excited. 

And then it's time for the welcome back social, complete with a showing of Pitch Perfect and food. College is still wonderful, my friends. 

We've been changed for good.

Even though we've all said goodbye once, the goodbyes are suddenly becoming more and more real. Because now? It'll be years before we're all together again, instead of weeks or days. The future is a big deal, and it's weird to think that there's a large part of my life that these kids won't be a part of.
But honestly? There's no other reason in this world I'd rather have them leaving for. Two years may be a long time, 700ish days in reality, and even though it terrifies me, there's nothing I'd rather them be doing. They're making the right decisions, and going to all the right places.
I owe a lot to these kids; Bronson, Sam and Jackson in particular. And even though a million and a half things have changed in the last little while, I will always consider them my best friends. Sam's farewell was today, and it was completely surreal (more so than Blake's, if possible.) and slightly heartbreaking to realize that these kids are going to be gone for a relatively long time, but words can't describe how good it felt to finally be together with everyone again for one of the last times.
And in regards to the girls? I couldn't ask for better "sisters." They make me laugh, keep me updated on what's happening, and listen to just about everything I have to say. And even though we don't see each other every day, I know that they'll be the ones cheering at my wedding and the ones I call for baby advice.
I guess what I really want to say is that when it comes to friends, I'm really really lucky. And I've missed them.

Good luck, Sam. We're gonna miss ya kiddo. But you'll do great things, and those Guaminians are real lucky to have you. :)