Aimer et etre aime.

Love and be loved.

Easier said then done, right?

Especially when it's something you want...but you have a hard time pursuing it.

Let me elaborate.

Your past has a way of effecting the way you look at things in the future.

Sometimes, you lose something, and that makes you feel incapable of finding something like that again. Even when it's staring you right in the face.

You feel...not unworthy, but undeserving (?) of feeling that way again, and you can't give in to what's right there.

I have no problem loving others. [There's only one person in this entire world that I hate. But more on that later.] I love people, love getting to know people, and constantly surround myself with people.

But letting people get close is another story. I have a huge group of friends, but very few of them do I trust with everything and know everything about me. And I'm okay with that.

Oh well. Everything works itself out in time, right?

I have a board on Pinterest that's entirely full of quotes, and I'm only partially obsessed with a majority of them. My favorites?

Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes...because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones that do.

Every girl deserves someone to remind her that she's beautiful.

People will always stare. Make it worth their while.

Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain. But you can't make a rainbow, without a little rain.

So this is my life. I want you to know that I'm both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

Remember kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.

Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.

Weird fetishes and bizarre obsessions.

Last night, Viewmont played Judge Memorial.

They lost.

(Good game though boys. It was close.)

But that's beside the point. The real story is how I introduced a ginger friend of mine to hockey,

although I don't know how we were even friends before since he'd never been to a game.

Caleb-the traitor, Spencer-the ginger, and me-the, well, me; were the only Davis kids on the Viewmont side. Everyone else was cheering for judge.
But as I so kindly reminded my dad before leaving, I may go to Davis, but Viewmont hockey is the only team worth cheering for.

I have a home-team loyalty problem.

I have also gotten over that fact.

In a related note, the Viewmont Girls' Lacrosse team, varsity style of course, is due to play us Davis Girls' the third week of March.

Let's just say we took conditioning seriously after we heard that. I've never run stairs so hard in my life. And our planks? Actually looked like planks.

It's amazing what the thought of losing to your rivals can do.

Thought of the day: Don't lose. Because it sucks.

I said a boom-chicka-boom.

After working for far too long on this silly portfolio, it's DONE. And if I may say so myself, it looked fantastic.

It also served as just another reminder that I'm growing up. And while my friends and I might do crazy, childish things sometimes [like night-time sledding, car sabotage wars, and far too many immature jokes], we're getting older.

Anyway.

My house is getting the roof fixed--FINALLY--after the huge windstorm. And all the thumping and bumping and crashing is making my head hurt. So I do believe I'm heading to the library. Because I like to read.

In the immortal words of Hamlet, "words, words, words," make me happy.

It seems now that a thousand summers have past.

Last night, I spent about a year and a half french braiding my hair so that it would look grand this morning [it didn't, but that's beside the point.]
I had Pandora playing, and I was kind of off in my own little world.
Then, Taylor Swift's "Back to December" came on, and my eyes suddenly went to the bouquet of dried flowers I have hanging on my wall.

You know when you think you're over something, but it turns out that you're really not?
It's like a suckerpunch, and it hurts.
I miss the friends I used to have, and the way they knew me better than anyone else. I miss the things we'd do for each other, only because we cared.

So while I was Pocahontas braiding my hair, and thinking about a bouquet of purple daisies, the song changed.

Oh, wise one, if you knew the answer,
Why'd you ask the question?
Oh, wise one if you're such a someone,
Why do you give nothing to anyone?
You've wiggled your way into me time and again,
You love to speak your mind.
But now it's fair to say I'm not open today,
To have my heart twisted up.
My confidence says I am worth it today,
So try and change its mind.
Kiss your sweet girl away, you've found your fate.
Now you will know what lonely pays.


I guess what goes around, comes around. And regardless of flowers that won't be coming back, and friends that have gone away,

I'm happy. And that's all that really matters.

We all tried to grow up too fast.

Life is moving at a scary pace, and I don't know how-or if I want to even try-to slow it down.

I remember when I was little, watching all the 17 and 18 year old kids attend farewells in my ward and thinking, "That will never be me. That's so far away."

I remember watching my neighbors go on dates, get married, have kids, etc; and thinking, "I'm never going to grow up."

I remember saying goodbye to my uncle Andy the night before he moved up to college, and thinking, "Someday, I want to be there too. But I'll never be old enough."

And now?

I'm the one attending the farewells, and waiting in anticipation as my best friends start getting their mission calls.

I'm the one going on dates, watching my friends get married, and attending way too many bridal showers.

I'm the one moving out, and watching my siblings ask, "When can I go too?"

I love the fact that I made it this far, and I love the fact that I'm getting ready to fend for myself.

It's weird to think that I'll be on my own in less than 9 months, making my own decisions, cooking my own meals, and living my own life. It's weird to think that I'm "grown up."

Sometimes, I miss the ease of childhood. The wonder of being little. The awe of life.

Now though, I appreciate it that much more; and really,

I think I'm ready.

In love with the idea of being in love.

I'm a TA for Terri Hall 2nd period, and they're reading The Count of Monte Cristo.
This book is my favorite book, in the history of books. No lie.
They did a bunch of discussion questions today, and one of them was:
Is it possible to fall in love more than once?
Being sophomores, they have some pretty...ideal views on love.
Oh, its so romantic; oh, its so beautiful; the usual.
But what Terri pointed out was that sometimes, people change.
And you can love them, but you're not in love with them anymore.
As a senior, I know I know nothing about real love, and I'm okay with that.
But I also know that what I know now is different then these kids.

You will meet people in your life that will change you, and you will swear you're in love with them. But later, as you meet more and more people, you'll realize that you just loved them.

There's a quote that says, "Someday you'll meet someone who will make you understand why it never worked out with anybody else."

Because really, we can claim we're in love over and over and over, but we'll never know what that really is until we meet the one.

So yes, I believe you can fall in love more than once. But it's a temporary thing,

And it grows in intensity everytime, until finally, nothing can surpass the emotional attachment and depth of feeling that you have for that person.

And I'm quite excited to find that person.

A work in progress

Isn't that what life is when it all comes down to it?

Sometimes, I think my life especially is continually being changed, upgraded, and "re-programmed," in a sense.

Making it bigger, better, and so much more enjoyable.

But who am I? And where exactly am I going? Let me tell you.

I am a seventeen year old girl who loves to laugh.

I socialize more than is probably good, and I have a tendency to talk too much.

I love little kids, sparkles, Audrey Hepburn, and the word "hope."

I want to be a broadcast journalist or an elementary school teacher someday,

And next year I'll be up at Utah State working on those dreams.

I have an unnatural love for hockey, lacrosse, and all things vintage.

I post quotes like some people eat cookies.

My life revolves around my family, the Church, and the idea of forever.

My friends make my world go round, books make everything okay.

Chinese food and sushi make me smile even when it is 10 degrees outside,

And I enjoy getting to know new people.

This site here is a catalog of my dreams (and some nightmares), random facts,

more music than you can probably handle, hopefully more than a few pictures, and a snapshot of

life.

Enjoy it. I sure do.