On your graduation day.

Somedays, I'm reveling in the fact that I'm not 21 yet while a majority of the people I spend my time with are hitting 23 and 25 and I don't even have a horizontal drivers license.

But on days like today, I feel really old and just want to be a five-year-old ballerina-fairy-princess because that makes more sense to me than the fact that I have a sister old enough to graduate from high school.
So Britty, here's to you and everything that you have coming for you in the next few years.
Today, you'll walk across a stage in front of an arena full of people [most of which are dressed in awful brown and gold robes] and get this little piece of paper that certifies you should be ready for the real world. Here's the truth: you've been a part of the "real world" for 18 years, and while these next four years will certainly be a change, they're really just a continuation of what you've been doing. So don't stress. But here's some advice.

1. This next semester is going to be full of a lot of changes, and I'm not just talking about your education and where you live. You won't go to sleep as early, and somehow, you'll still be expected to make it to 8:30 classes. You're going to start craving weird things like quesadillas and grilled cheese--but that's because that will be basically all you have in your fridge at any given point in your life.
2. Embrace these changes--and fall in love with the independence you've been given. I'm not saying you should run wild and go crazy, because you're the good kid and that was my job and mom and dad may have a heart attack if you try and tell them that you're hanging out at a fraternity house too, but have some fun. When your roommates say "McDonald's?" at 2 am, go with them. There is NO SHAME in watching a movie three times in one day or finishing an entire season of Grey's Anatomy in a week. Midnight sledding down Old Main hill is something everyone should do, and swimming in the TSC fountains is basically a rite of passage. Go watch True Aggie Night, and for the love of all that is good in the world, watch an Aggie Basketball game (or two or twelve or all of them).
3. Use the independence wisely. You're so smart....but don't let that be a crutch. Spend lots of time in the library (and ask me where the best places to study are. I know where the best rooms are and could probably use the study time too). Go to the gym, because the freshman 15 is a real thing and you can make the Fieldhouse your friend. SI's are a really good thing, and so is meeting with your professors/advisers/TA's. I promise it will make a difference.
4. Try something new...like play a new sport [Campus Rec classes are the BOMB], join a new club [*cough*go through sorority recruitment*cough*], or go to a party [like the HOWL or Mardi Gras so you can hang out with me]. The moral of the story is: you're going to meet so many people up here, so you better learn to love it.
5. The most important thing [in my opinion] is to not forget what's important. Call mom, because you need it more than she does [trust me, I'm sure she gets tired of the dozens of phone calls about frosting and stain removal and books to read but she won't tell you that]. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables and take some vitamins too because you DO NOT want to be sick over finals week. And, [I'm basically begging you here], HANG OUT WITH ME. At least until you know where all the buildings are and I've thoroughly embarrassed you by being too loud--as usual.

But really, Britty, today's a big day. You're a real adult now, and I've never been more excited to share something with you. We may have moved past sharing a room, matching outfits, and twin baby dolls....but I can't wait to share my love for USU with you and watch you fall in love with the Aggies like I have [I'm also stoked to have you up here because now you can kill spiders for me and make me food because you're the brave, smart, domestic one, right?].

Congratulations you brilliant Dart, you. I am so proud of you and everything you've learned, done, and become. You've always been one step ahead of me, doing things a hundred times better than I can, and I'm lucky to have an example like you. Thanks for being my kinder, smarter, more creative, and more stubborn partner-in-crime. And I cannot wait to have you with me where the sagebrush grows. See you soon, Future Aggie. :)

Truly charming.

The end of the school year always makes me a little nostalgic--and this year is worse than all the rest.

I graduate this next year, and it's making me feel some type of way about this being the last time for a lot of things up here.

This year has challenged, changed, broke, taught, fixed, and shaped me like nothing really has. It was nothing like I expected it would be...and somehow everything I needed.

This year has been about new adventures, lessons learned, and finding out who I am and what's important to me. For the first time, I feel like I learned what college was really about, and finally validated what everybody tells you about college. You know those pieces of advice that come with graduating high school, or those little anecdotes that seem to happen during everybody else's college career? Hi, welcome to my junior year of college and everything I learned.

I learned the truth behind how wonderful it is to move out of the house and how much fun it is to be out on  your own. I also learned how great it feels to pull into my driveway to a bundle of my squealing sisters and forget about school for a minute. 

I learned just what everyone means when they say you'll make your best friends in college: the people I met up here have become my family. I also learned how it feels to long for the people who used to claim those spots. 

I've learned what love feels like beyond high school dances and midnight curfews, but I also learned that the real thing hurts a lot more and involves significantly more emotion. 

I know what people mean when they say you learn how to stand on your own two feet and be an adult, but I also realized that it's okay to call your mom at 1:30 in the morning about a boy. 

I know what meeting new people is like, but I also know what it feels like to say goodbye to high school friends.

I've learned about biology and mitosis, and how to start conversations with girls during sorority recruitment. 

I've read enough Caribbean Literature to last a lifetime, and I learned how to write missionary emails and letters like a pro.

I studied physics for a hot minute, and realized I actually like to cook things that aren't just Ramen or chicken nuggets. 

I read a lot of American Literature and folklore, and finally admitted that I'm really bad at taking relationship advice from anybody else, and emotional stability is not something I'm super good at. 

I wrote papers on feminism, racism, and poetic voice, and recognized that sometimes you have to do things that make you happy, that might make other people unhappy. 

This year has been full of all sorts of learning, every kind of heartbreak, a touch of denial, a lot of emotion, redefined love and loss, and brought the most overwhelming kind of contentment and satisfaction I have ever experienced. 

"The first one is the worst one," "when it rains it pours," "life is what you make it," blah, blah, blah, you name the cliche, Year Three embodied it. But nothing proved quite as true as "the third time is the charm." 

Junior year, you were truly charming. Now here's to you, senior year! 

Happy Mother's Day.

Moms are there to get rid of the monsters in your closet when you're little, and to distract you from the ugliness of the real world when you're older. 

Moms are there to put bandaids on scraped knees, and to hold together broken hearts. 

Moms are there to help with science fair projects in elementary school, and help determine the correct frosting consistency from an hour away. 

Moms are there to drive you anywhere you need to go as a child, and to wait up for you when you drive home as a [kind of] adult. 

I'm more grateful for my mama every single day, because now I realize how much I took her for granted before. She's the first person I call when I get asked on a date, and the first person I call when I'm home from that date. She's the only person who's cooking advice I trust. She's the only one who I know won't judge me for being catty about some things, but will listen, and kindly tell me to "be the bigger person, Ash." She knows my frustrations better than anybody, gives the best advice...and it doesn't hurt that all of this usually involves some kind of cupcake or frosting too. ;) 

Because only my mom would have dinner waiting for me in the fridge every weekend I came home. Only my mom would answer the phone at 1:30 in the morning and talk sense into me through my broken-hearted tears, and then proceed to come up with a plan as a "closet mobster." Only my mom understands my love for Audrey Hepburn, Michael Buble, and Fiiz. 

She's a cake-making wizard who somehow finds the time to be superwoman to 6 bundles of chaos and if someday I can be half the mother she is, I'll be the happiest mom on the planet. 

So here's to you Mom. Thank you for teaching me how to bake, to appreciate music, and how manage my sanity reasonably well. Thank you for teaching me about unconditional love, true forgiveness, and strength--no matter the circumstance. Thank you for helping me believe in everything, from this wonderful gospel to the magic of literature and everything in between. Thank you for teaching me what I am capable of, showing me when I need to change, and helping me recognize when I deserve better than I think. 

Thank you for being my best friend.