My hero? She's the last real dreamer I know.

-----DISCLAIMER: this may be a really emotional post, and contains religious-speak.-----

Today in seminary, there was a quote on the board that said something along the lines of: you should live your life in such a way that your unborn children would have no reason to ask where you went wrong.

Then a boy, (who I happen to have a massive crush on, it's fine.) mentioned that he tried to live his life so that his grandma, who had passed away recently, would look down on him and be proud.

The more I thought about it, the more I agreed. My grandma truly was the most amazing person in the world, and everyday she inspires me to be better. Because of her example, I know what kind of mother I want to be.

Because of her, I also know how it feels to hurt like I never have before. She's been gone for almost two years now, and there's not a single day that goes by that I don't physically ache to know I don't know how long it will be until I see her again. It's hard to face everyday knowing that one of the people you loved most, and one who loved you most, isn't there to congratulate you, give you a hug, or roll their eyes at you.
She won't see me on my wedding day, or hold my babies at their blessings. She won't be there when I graduate from high school, and will never see me leave for a dance. She'll won't know my friends, or be able to tell me about when she was young. I'll won' have anyone to call "Grandma."

But because of my beliefs, I know I will see her again. I know she will know my children, and be able to hold me again like she used to.

It's hard to face everyday without her, and I don't think it will ever stop hurting. But because of her example, I know I can do it, and I know that us Bell girls are stronger than we know.