Just hold on.

Having all your best friends gone or in the process of leaving gives you a new perspective on life. 

I used to spend every day trying to figure out ways to spend time with them and keep them happy, and now? I've got all the time in the world to make me happy. Rather than driving home every weekend to be with friends, I spend my weekends doing my best to make sure I make something of myself while they're out changing lives. 

And it's been wonderful. 

Wednesday night, I spent a solid 8 1/2 hours in the library. Studying, writing my English papers, and actually doing my homework. I took time to really think about what I was doing and put effort into the research I was doing. I wrote in my journal for the first time in a week and a half. Wrote way too many pages of missionary letters. Emailed some high school seniors about the wonders of USU and answered way too many questions about graduation requirements and on-campus housing. Looked over my runs for Ragnar and died a little inside. Did a whole lot of soul searching. 

I realized a few things. 

1. I'm much more productive when I'm by myself. I hate every second of being alone, mind you, but I can focus and the distractions are limited to making sure I like the song playing in my headphones and finding more ice to chew on.

And 2. I'm a very, very, very lucky girl. I have parents who love and support me in everything I do. Siblings who make me smile everyday. Roommates who I love like the five extra sisters I never had. Boys who go out of their way to make me happy. Two jobs that I love doing, keep me busy, and allow me to do whatever I want. I'm going to school where I've always wanted to. I'm studying something I love.  

  And as weird as it may sound, I'm glad I miss these kids. Because it means I have some incredible examples and amazing friends out there. 

I have a quote on one of my pinboards that says "...I learned a lot about being a friend when I was alone." And it's so true. My friends are just starting out on their 18-24 months adventures, and I can already tell how much they're changing, and I can see myself changing too...all in such good ways. I've learned to take more time for myself, and focus on what I need; all while making sure I'm not missing a single opportunity to do something kind for those around me. It's changed my perspective on a lot of things. I'm more grateful for what I have, that's for sure. And more excited to have everyone home again in a couple years because I actually know how lucky I am now. 

I guess the moral of the story is...my life is great. And it feels good to finally be content with where you are, what you're doing, and who you're becoming.